The Quest continues...Flakes and Frustrations

I know I have been neglectful of this page, but I've had little time to devote to it.

After my last Post, KM called and apologized profusely. She had some sort of breakdown from a previous relationship that she apparently isn't over yet.
We had a long discussion about it and I was cool about just taking it slow and her to contact with me. She was also in the middle of a job hunt at the time and things went along well. We never had a chance to have another date, but we talked on the phone a bit.
Then things went silent. She was stolen by another job and trying to make it work and haven't heard from her since. There were no replies for the past couple of weeks.
It's a pity, I was getting to be rather fond of her, but I guess it wasn't meant to be.

GD was interesting for about....3 emails. I was thinking of actually giving her a call when I realized a week or so has passed without a reply to my email. Well, I don't think our emails were particularly amazing, and perhaps I WAS a bit prejudiced against what she did, but I didn't see it as a great loss.
Annoying, but whatever. BYE!

I saw an ad on CL that caught my eye and I REALLY wanted a response from (VIC). I spent a total of about 5 hours throughout the day writing, rewriting, condensing, expanding, etc.

Yes. 5 hours. We came from the same basic background and said quite a few things that touched me. Thank god for my G1 Phone where I can readily edit and save my drafts. After all that I was about to hit "send" when I realized I didn't include a picture.
I'm not a picture person. My photos always suck. The latest that I had was of me in New York a few months ago (the previous picture being a VERY unflattering 9 months ago) and sent it on its way.

I got a "WOW!" and it was a lengthy response. Good sign. I got excited as she raved over my letter, but one sentence buried in the 2nd paragraph stopped me cold: "...I was impressed what you wrote not liking the pic but whatever."
Now I think I'm totally over thinking this. Did she LIKE the fact I was hating my own pic, or was she mentioning that she didn't like the pic? I haven't responded yet (planning on monday), to think this over. Besides, I can play it off as a busy weekend (true).

Vowing not to just put all my eggs in one basket, I put out another ad in case this totally collapses. I put an ad that I would hope catch a woman with my basic sexual tastes.
Almost immediately, I got a nibble. we started off great, she was a very attracted girl, but seems like the feeling wasn't mutual.

Does anyone find it extremely ironic that I can easily pick up people and talk them into an orgy, but I have problems just getting one to join me for a simple dinner?

I've said it before, but Dating sucks.

A couple of little nibbles....

Well, I sent out a bold post on CL on my quest of trying to find some permanent happiness (or depression, depending on how you look at it.) and got a couple of responses. One was a girl named "V" which seems interesting, but hasn't answered my response back to her, so I have a feeling I can write her off.

The Other is "GD". Seems to be some sort of spiritual guru or something, what particularly caught my attention is that she sent her number along with the email. Her initial email was a good light banter that seemed quite....refreshing. I did respond that I would rather write for awhile before I would call, but thanked her for offering.

My only concern is this spiritual/psychic stuff that she is part of. Is not that I disbelieve or have a prejudice against it. It's just the fact that I've dated people along with those beliefs and they are highly flaky. The GOOD part of it is that they're VERY kinky.

"KM" hasn't called or Texted in a number of days, so I'm going to assume I'm off her radar. I am going to send one more text to see how she is and ask if I should consider this a kissoff, to be sure.

We men are bad at figuring out what women think/intend.

It all just leads back to how stupid men are.

A Cool down and an old flame from the past...

This has been an interesting week.

First KM texts me that she isn't quite over her last lover ("Soul mate" whatever) and put our dating on hold until she can get her crying under control.
But this leaves me wondering if her Soulmate and Her husband (whom she divorced) are one in the same, or if she divorced her husband BECAUSE of him. It wasn't quite my business to push the subject since I didn't really know her, so I just left it up to her.
Since that day, she has been texting me thanking me for understanding....

Of course, in the meanwhile, I am still looking for someone to be serious with and made a few tentative steps along the way.

NOW, I mean, 30 minutes ago; I get a phone call from "Stella" a girl whom I met and dated for awhile several years ago. Had a terrific sex life, but things always seemed to work out against us. Mostly it was her poor lack of judgment on decisions that kept us apart, even to the point of postponing our engagement for what I thought were idiotic reasons.
Anyway....
I get this call from with her slurring almost every word, telling me how much she missed me. How she never got over me. She continues to tell me about the trials of her Daughter and her own health issues (I knew about them when I proposed).
It's not that I don't care about her, I still do, but how can one be certain we would be the same people that we were 4 years ago? One thing that I had learned in life is that after awhile, people grow, and what you thought at one time would be different another.
So we continue to talk and how I wished she had moved to Houston when I asked her to (She lives in Another state) to get the proper medical care.
She was crying even harder as I hesitated in my response to "Can I join you now?"
Talk about my heart being torn apart. It was all I can do to keep myself from saying, "let me take care of you again."
I wanted to. I wanted her here in my arms to make all her bogeymen go away. To make the decisions to make her life more bearable and to save her from her crappy family her horrible choice of friends. It was the the thing I wanted to do the most.

Knowing this wasn't the time to talk this over, but she was reminding me of the great sex, the adventures we had.

"It's too late", I told her. Those words took pieces of my heart with it.
The response of silence was making it worse.
She apologized, for her bad decisions, she apologized for all the trouble she had caused.
Again, she was killing me.

Damnit, why after 4 years!
What made it worse is that I didn't really have anything that was serious, I could have easily taken her in.

But would that have been fair for us? Particularly if things just didn't work out? What if her health takes a more serious turn to the point where I might as well be by myself again.

I gave myself a breather by doing something chickenshit; I told her I'll call her back in the afternoon.

It sucks. It really does suck. Will I actually call?
 

God, this sucks.

EDIT 5/7/09:  Never called and she never called back.

Sorting through and being sorted

After an initial flurry of responses to (what I thought were) original posts on CL, I was a writing maniac.
Some consider me a maniac in general, but that's another story.
As the conversations went on with several people, I started to get turned off by a few, and I was obviously "weeded out" by the ladies on the other end.
Unlike some guys that I hear about, I don't take it personally. It's really hard to know someone over email, and if the initial vibe isn't there, then so be it.
One in general stood out that I shall call "KM". I'm unoriginal like that. The writing went back and forth and developed a good rapport to the point we traded numbers.
We eventually came to the discussion of the end of her marriage. An inquiry of how long she had been divorced gave me a disheartening answer; a year.
Oh damn.
I figured I'd give it a shot anyway and see where it goes. Different people handle major life changing episodes in their lives differently.
I eventually met up with KM at a favorite restaurant I go to fairly frequently.
(Note to self: Pick another restaurant for meetings like this, the owners were giving me funny looks)
As I turned the corner and entered the bar, I was greeted by a charming and very good looking woman that was aging very well.

The waitress came by with our orders, and we both idly chatted while we ate and drank a bit. The conversation eventually went to sex (as we had previously discussed) and laid out a number of fetishes she had. For those one or two people reading this blog, it was public sex, other women, and was very open at multiple men.
WHY people tell me these things on the first meeting amazes me, but I treat it in my typical way. I treated the conversation like one would discuss the menu of an eating establishment.

Sorry. It's a poor metaphor, but it was all I had to work with.

I knew closing time was coming soon, and I asked if we could walk to a nearby bar. Having readily agreed, I paid the check and beat our way out of there holding hands.
Along the way we had to go past a bush, I looked in her direction and our immediately surroundings and gave her a casual kiss.
Fortunately for me, she seemed to enjoy it.
We continued to steal kisses behind some columns of the center we were at.
Having entered the place, we both ordered a beer, snuggled, put our heads together, and continued talking about work, family, kids, and of course, sex. She showed interested in some of some of my hobbies, which brings me to my problem of the OTHER blog, but I'll have to think that through later...

Our waitress had long dismissed us as we had said we only wanted a beer and quite frankly, was glad for the lack of attention. What surprised me when the owner came up, inquired if my last name was "Smith" and I responded in the affirmative.
He shook my hand and said my money was no good there and with one swift motion, snatched the bill for our beers and told the waitress to get anything that I wanted.
Fortunately (or Un, depending on how one looks at it I kinda' wished I stopped there first instead!), we just had our one beer each. I kindly thanked the gentleman for his generosity and took off towards our cars.
We both said this was promising promising first date and left it at that.