A Cool down and an old flame from the past...

This has been an interesting week.

First KM texts me that she isn't quite over her last lover ("Soul mate" whatever) and put our dating on hold until she can get her crying under control.
But this leaves me wondering if her Soulmate and Her husband (whom she divorced) are one in the same, or if she divorced her husband BECAUSE of him. It wasn't quite my business to push the subject since I didn't really know her, so I just left it up to her.
Since that day, she has been texting me thanking me for understanding....

Of course, in the meanwhile, I am still looking for someone to be serious with and made a few tentative steps along the way.

NOW, I mean, 30 minutes ago; I get a phone call from "Stella" a girl whom I met and dated for awhile several years ago. Had a terrific sex life, but things always seemed to work out against us. Mostly it was her poor lack of judgment on decisions that kept us apart, even to the point of postponing our engagement for what I thought were idiotic reasons.
Anyway....
I get this call from with her slurring almost every word, telling me how much she missed me. How she never got over me. She continues to tell me about the trials of her Daughter and her own health issues (I knew about them when I proposed).
It's not that I don't care about her, I still do, but how can one be certain we would be the same people that we were 4 years ago? One thing that I had learned in life is that after awhile, people grow, and what you thought at one time would be different another.
So we continue to talk and how I wished she had moved to Houston when I asked her to (She lives in Another state) to get the proper medical care.
She was crying even harder as I hesitated in my response to "Can I join you now?"
Talk about my heart being torn apart. It was all I can do to keep myself from saying, "let me take care of you again."
I wanted to. I wanted her here in my arms to make all her bogeymen go away. To make the decisions to make her life more bearable and to save her from her crappy family her horrible choice of friends. It was the the thing I wanted to do the most.

Knowing this wasn't the time to talk this over, but she was reminding me of the great sex, the adventures we had.

"It's too late", I told her. Those words took pieces of my heart with it.
The response of silence was making it worse.
She apologized, for her bad decisions, she apologized for all the trouble she had caused.
Again, she was killing me.

Damnit, why after 4 years!
What made it worse is that I didn't really have anything that was serious, I could have easily taken her in.

But would that have been fair for us? Particularly if things just didn't work out? What if her health takes a more serious turn to the point where I might as well be by myself again.

I gave myself a breather by doing something chickenshit; I told her I'll call her back in the afternoon.

It sucks. It really does suck. Will I actually call?
 

God, this sucks.

EDIT 5/7/09:  Never called and she never called back.