I want my cartoon network!

You know, I've had a rough couple of days and needing some laughs, I tune into the cartoon network for some Family guy, Robot Chicken, and Metalocalypse (my newest addictions).
I'm greeted with an image that chills my heart:

Effective Sept. 22, 2009

Comcast Customers

will need to have a digital converter box in order to

receive Cartoon Network

Call 1-800Blahblahblah

My heart sank. 
No big deal.  I'll just call them later, upgrade my service a tad, get Cable Cards (to bypass the lousy box) and everything will be right in the world.

When I woke up, first thing I did was call them.*  I cheerfully asked for an upgrade and a couple of media cards.**

"Okay sir, no problem."

"Great. Didn't know how dependent I was on the Cartoon Network until it went away."

"Umm....sir? You still need the box."

"What?"

"You need to have the box if you still want that network."

He went on to give me Techno-babble about the reasoning behind it, basically saying that it's no longer broadcast on the analog, just digital.

"Cool.  Upgrade me to that package, and get me the cards."  What's an extra 10-15 bucks a month, eh?

"Sir, you still need the converter box for it."

"What? I have to get the HD Package to get it?" Fuck. Okay. My old TV is dying, been waiting to get a new HD one.***  I immediately start my inner debate between Plasma and LCD.  39-42 inches should do. Oh yeah!  Plus, Blu-ray!  Hmm...I wonder what Blu-Ray porn would look like on that screen?

"Sorry Sir, you will still need to get the Box."  He said it with THAT tone that one uses when speaking to an exceptionally slow child, of which I'm sure I was starting to sound at this point.

He continued to explain for a bit.

A cable box.  I don't WANT a cable box!  I have a clean looking system!

"Okay. Let me get this straight. If I got the ultra-high end package with HD, and just use the cable card right into my TiVO; I can get ALL the channels, right?"

"Correct, sir.  Except for the Cartoon Network."

How BADLY do I want this damned Network?

"Okay. Cool.  I'll decide later and I appreciate your help.   But can I talk to a Tech person, I'm trying to wrap my head around this. Nothing personal, I'm just not getting it."

"No problem, Sir. Quite a few people don't."

Lovely.

After a few moments on hold, I get a tech and she explains to me the same techno-babble the sales guy did.

"REALLY?"

"Yes, Sir. No matter what package you have, to you HAVE to have that cable box.  The media cards won't do it. There is no additional cost to get a box."

"That's not really the point, I don't WANT a box!"

"Sorry, Sir!"

I thank her, and out of politeness I wished her a good day and hung up. I was enraged.

Fuck.  I guess I'll go get a cable box, but I still better be able to record two programs at once, damnit!

I swear, it's a conspiracy by the Cable box industry!

Now I'm depressed again.

Damn you, Robot Chicken and Metalocalypse! Why must you be so...entertaining!

*God, Maybe I AM depressed!

** I heart my TIVO. Really. Buy one.  All you have to do is plug the buggers in and voila! No need for a box!

*** I said I took a hit, but I'm not destitute!