The Blow Up.

Coming back to my house from some much needed pissed off sex, I threw down the rest of my clothes, get undressed and start typing away while it's still fresh.
Its not the kind of sex I usually take in, but apparently it was something we both needed, and to be honest, it was an improvement from our first meeting and satisfying.
After typing everything up, I was about to hit "publish" when the mystery ID came up.
With great trepidation I forced my fingers to act:

"Who are you?"
"Andi, Silly." Oh shit!
"Hi."  Thrilled. can't you tell I'm thrilled? Look! I'm thrilled!
"Merry Christmas" she cheerfully typed.
"Yeah. Merry Christmas." was all I could manage.
"Let me call you in a few, I'm just leaving a bar."
"Okay. whatever."
I published my blog entry before I could get distracted. I had a feeling this was going to be hairy.
The phone rang and I looked at it like it was a snake.
we talked fora few minutes.
Or rather,she talked.   About her life.Her school, her new boyfriend.
Just like old times.  Never could get a word in edgewise.
She eventually got around to asking about me and my life.
I don't know what triggered it, but my first words were:
"How can you talk to me so nonchalantly after you crushed me?"
Dead silence.
"Do you realize how pissed off at you I was?"
Silence.
"Was it perhaps that I never attempted to call you after our last date gave you a clue?"
"I-I...I know.   I'm sorry.  I feel terrible about it.  It was a bad decision."
"NO!  It's BEYOND poor decision."
I tore at her for a good hour.
Every time she tried to make an excuse, I tore into her again.
A year of frustration came in torrents.
"I don't know what to say but 'Sorry!'"
"Well, nice to know our time together meant nothing."
She was on the verge of tears.
"When I arrived on the plane, I was ready to commit myself to for life.  2 hours later it was crushed."
"I regretted that.  I've played it over in my mind quite a bit."
"Nice of you to call up and tell me about that regret after you were thinking about it."
Silence.
"You can either salvage or throw it away.  Call me on which you decide.  I don't have your number.  I'm deleting your ID, I got nothing from you. it's in your court."
What the hell did I just say???
What? What did I just say??
Aw Fuck!
"okay...I do regret it."
"Well, call when you mean it."
*CLICK!*

Yay. Merry Christmas.

How'd I get here?

I have been reading blogs off and on for several years, before they got big on the news.
A friend of mine asked why *I* didn't start a blog and my response to him was that no one would believe the crap I would write, much less understand it.
I didn't think I'm much of a writer, and looking back at some of the drivel I have written, I was right!
Eventually I did start a blog about my hobby, and I was fairly content.  But I had let it wallow for quite some time as I took a break to concentrate on life.
But the call for wild sex compelled me to start again and my friends were glad to see me "back at it".
My personal wake up call was when at, part after party, I would leave at the end of the evening alone.

Since then, I've met a number of women, who are going to get their own posts, just so I can keep track of it.   Not entirely sure how if I should have one for each blog, or put them in a single post and on which blog.

Ugh. Can't ANYTHING be straightforward?

You were WHAT??

The day was miserable. 
It was cloudy, cold, and dark.  My mood made it a matching set.
Thinking last night and that KM are taking the next step and having resolved some issues was the only thing keeping my foul mood from turning to outright depression..   After going out for the day, I'd thought I send her a quick text:

"I had fun last night, I'll be thinking about it for a long time."
Several hours pass and I think nothing of it, figured she was at work and we had a tenative date scheduled for that night.
Then I remembered she had the night off.
Whatever. I figure she's busy and eventually the following texts come through, verbitem:
"Hey. I had a good time, too, but that girl that was with you last night was not me.  I just can't do it. Well, I can, but I have to be drunk and don't want to live that way."
WTF?  I pull over to a parking lot as quickly as I could.
"I was wondering about that.  What part of it was you?"
"The kissing, love giving head, sex."
well, that is clear as a bell, isn't it?
"I def. Enjoyed that part.  I've seen you drunk and sober, but I figured you were just tipsy.  Which parts weren't you?"
"I'm sure you know."
ARGH!  I barely keep my temper in check.  This was the only bright spot in my day and its being taken away.
"Look, we both promised to just be honest with each other so there are no misunderstandings.  I don't take hints very well."
It's true.  It's a miracle I'm still not a virgin.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."
"You're not upsetting me, I just want to know.  I need you to be straight forward about things."
"I'm trying."
"Then you're going to have to elaborate."


I wait for 10 minutes for an answer that never came and the rest of the evening was spent under a literal and figurative dark cloud in the city. 

Waking up the next morning, she was my first thought and I sent another txt that took me 15 minutes to compose:


"Look. I am really into you and I want to see where this goes, but you have to see me halfway to work on this.  I know you're busy and have a busy life, but the little time we have, we have to be able to be upfront with each other.  If you can't do that then we're doomed from the start."

I stared at my phone for several minutes.
Was this right?  Was it too aggressive? Why am I doubting myself?
Screw it.
I hit the send button and waited for a reply.
That was 3 hours ago.  Nothing. 
Maybe I won't be curtailing my CL dating anytime soon.

ARGH!  Dating is NOT supposed to be this hard! 

Busy in the Heights

KM called me after another encounter I had nearby, unfortunately, it involved a long drive from my home to back to where I had been just 30 minutes earlier!
We met outside and sat in my car while her roomies were getting ready for bed.
After a few hours of spending some time with her, we both decided we'd probably be a very good fit for each other.  After discussing some fantasies and our mutual compatibilities, it seems like we might be seeing each other more often, and I might curtail my CL "Dating" until things are decided one way or another.
All I have to say is, WOW!

You can read the action here.

The Funk and the Fuck....

Having thought about my last post for a few hours, I was thinking of deleting it and dismissing it as my having a childish outburst, but before I hit the delete button and realized that it was something real I was feeling that brought me to this moment.
While it isn't rational and it WAS a bit childish, it was something that I was feeling, good or bad. I felt particularly so after reading Aurore's post that affected her. While THIS blog is totally different from hers, the fact is that life isn't always edited to show perfection. It's ugly, raw, and hurtful, but like OEN's Blog, there can be a mixture of Silliness, irony, and mayhem if you just look for it.

To be honest, after the last post, I went on a bit of a funk and gave myself the day off to gather my thoughts and see what I want to do.

As usual, odd things have an odd sense of timing. My phone rang and it was Stormcloud, who is an ex girlfriend that I remained friends with. She always seemed to have the worst luck in the world financially, jobs, and life in general. I kept our friendship because I seemed like I was the only consistent thing in her life. Usually she only called me when she needed a shoulder to cry on. This time however, she wanted my company in a physical sense.
When I got there a couple of hours later, we chatted like we always did. Without any preliminaries, we simply walked into the bedroom and started getting dressed.
While I don't consider that we Made Love, I think we simply needed each other and we were good with that.

No, I won't get into the nitty gritty about that, this is NOT that kind of blog.
After sex, we laid next to each other watching TV while she dozed.
Unfortunately, I had to leave since she was on a different sleeping schedule than I was.
She understood this and walked me to the door.
Having kissed me goodbye, she closed the door and locked it as I headed towards my car in this small suburban town.
It was a long drive home, but I felt much better compared to a few hours ago.

KS is no more, KM continues, and another old flame....

Well, I haven't heard from KS since the night of the party.  I did some initial texting, but I just gave up.  If you can't even answer a simple text, there is no point in pursuing it anymore.. Seems like I'm too "Skeezy" for her after all.
Pity.  We could have had quite a bit of fun together.

KM has been texting me a bit more and has been apologetic and grateful that I'm "waiting" for her while she puts her priority on her work to get re-established in her career. 
Don't really think I'm "waiting" for her, but I'm keeping my options open until she has "time" to date.  I know we both have insane schedules, but I wouldn't mind seeing her once a week or so and have a dinner and movie date.
I'll be there for her once she has time to date if I'm still available, but I'm not waiting.  In the meantime, I'm wishing her luck in her goals, particularly if I'm one of them.

Meanwhile earlier a couple of weeks ago, I reach over to my phone and realize I got a text from a girl ("Andi") whom I really liked, but in the midst of a date, she decided she only liked me as a "friend."   Considering she was in another city, I cut of all ties.  There wasn't any point in my spending tons of time on a person who is only going to be a "friend" when I want so much more.   So after I boarded the plane, I didn't text, didn't call. Nothing.
I worked hard for this "relationship" and if she was serious, she needed to contact me.
Nothing in almost a full year.
After a few minutes, I received a call and she wanted to know if I came through the hurricane alright.  I appreciated that I was still in her thought and I was cordial, but it took all my emotional strength to keep from asking "Why didn't you call?  Did I mean so little to you?  From 4 hour phone calls to NOTHING in a day?!?"
I wanted to ask so may questions, but the distance and time past was too great.
Once again, my heart was breaking the longer I talked to her.
Eventually she stopped answering my calls and texts.
Fuck you.
I was close to falling in love and looked forward to a life together.
We were compatible in almost every way.
No.  Fuck you!

Once again, I deleted her number from my phone log, text messages, and any evidence in my life of her.

Last Wednesday, I got a approval request on one of my IM's and accepted it assuming it was someone I was expecting.
Suddenly a few days later I realize that perhaps it MIGHT be her. the profile gave me no information and to my horror I saw it sign in.  But the name was just enough that it gave clues that it was her.
FUCK!
Why can't they just LEAVE??

In walks in KS....for awhile

Since KM and I aren't exactly a sure thing, I decide to put out a whimsical post to see what happens.  I was so proud of myself, I posted it on here.
I know, I need a life.
I run out the door on a fairly tight schedule of running around in a town like mad because a "snowstorm" hit my city.
Sometime during the day, I hear my phone buzz and I got a reply on that silly post.  What was great is that it was also in a (bad) poetic form.
She listed her fetishes as well as what she wanted to experience.  I replied in kind and managed to rhyme out not only the hotel info and basic location but also my number.
Yet, I can barely put together a proper paragraph together.
Whatever.
I go about my day and eventually she calls me at about 6:30 and after a few minutes, we agree to meet at a Starbucks at about 7:30 that was relatively close to the both of us.
I go in early, mostly because I was cold, but to scrounge a table to us, when the time approached, I saw a cute, slightly overweight blonde walking in.
Knowing it was her, I smiled.
She looked at me, smiled and looked away.
O.K.
Figuring that she was going to just get a cup of  coffee, I proceed to finish reading my emails.
Suddenly my phone went off.
It was her!   I look over to where she was seated and picked up the phone.
"Umm....I'm RIGHT HERE!"
She strode over to where I was and proceeded to chitchat.  We talked about many things, her fascination with craigslist (she's only been doing it for 2 weeks) and some of the whack jobs she's met.
I related some of my stories and we got a good laugh.
After steering the conversations on what she wanted to experience, I casually mentioned my hobby.   She was fascinated by it, particularly the party that was scheduled.  After I convinced her that I wasn't a psychopath, she readily agreed to come. 
The starbucks was closing (at 8:30pm?!?), so we had to beat a hasty retreat. I didn't want to end the convo, but I had things to do and sitting outside in the cold with her shivering would be bad form.

New Hope?

As I was suggested upon, I called up GD to basically bid her Good Bye.  She was disappointed, but given obstacles placed before we could even date, she was fairly cool with it and promptly hung up on me.
I do wish her the best.
While I was in a goodbye mood, I sent the following TXT to KM:
"Well, I guess this is goodbye.  Haven't heard from you and I figure you have no interest.  Take heart that I already deleted your number and I'll delete this msg."
I had just deleted her string of messages when my phone buzzed with a reply a minute later.
"I have been in the hospital. I am sorry that I did not call. Bad car accident."
WTF?
As you can imagine, I was elated, concerned, and a little peeved.
Turns out she was in a car accident and had recently gotten out of the hospital and her phone was destroyed by the impact.  In short, she was waiting for her phone bill to get my number.
For some reason our entire correspondence was by text message, something told me that we should stick to this as it might be the best way to avoid any confusion.  This continued for several hours.
One of the first things she asked is what are my intentions, I told her I want in all the way as far as she wants.
She was worried that, since our conversations were shifting towards sex and some things connected to it. I didn't mention my hobbies, but I alluded to those parties.  She is still very open to it, but wasn't sure yet.  I'll take that.
She promised she would make a better effort to contact me.  And she planned to make it up to me in the future when she fully recovers.
I'm SO thrilled and I'm glad that we were able to resolve quite a few things.

Good bye GD!

I gave GD a call the other day like I said I would.

Tell you one thing, she does seem like a very nice person, but unfortunately, we got to meet while her life is in turmoil. 
She talks about having a weekend to move, needing an electrician and such and is moving to Magnolia! For those that aren't familiar with the distances in Texas or Houston in particular.  We are BIG.   I think nothing of driving 15 minutes to get something to eat.  My closest friend is 20 minutes away!  Distances are not that big of a deal here.  But we're talking 44 miles!  Don't believe me? HERE!

We talked for about 30 minutes until I had to had to interrupt conversation and told her I had to go.   I called her back to apologize and told her I would call her the next day.

I don't think that's going to happen.  I feel like a heel, but I think it would probably be better that way.

Sorry, I did that kind of commute for someone years ago and seems like she had too much going on.  I'm not doing it again, particularly with someone whom I'm not certain with to begin with.  

BYE GD!

How do they find me??

The psychic (GD) sent me an email today.
As soon as I saw it I had a feeling of total dread.
She apologized for not writing, but she STILL had no electricity in her home(!). That it would be much easier to talk to her on the phone.

Okay. IKE was...what? Back in Oct?
I read the rest of the letter and my heart sinks further.

"By the way, I don't suppose you know an electrician who would do a favor for a poor little "crazy new age minister?"
WTF?

I dealt with a cold fish last night, now I'm supposed to be dealing with a poor psychic girl?
I'll give her a call tonight and see how that is going to go. I am NOT sleeping with this one.
No.
I mean it this time.