The day was miserable.
It was cloudy, cold, and dark. My mood made it a matching set.
Thinking last night and that KM are taking the next step and having resolved some issues was the only thing keeping my foul mood from turning to outright depression.. After going out for the day, I'd thought I send her a quick text:
"I had fun last night, I'll be thinking about it for a long time."
Several hours pass and I think nothing of it, figured she was at work and we had a tenative date scheduled for that night.
Then I remembered she had the night off.
Whatever. I figure she's busy and eventually the following texts come through, verbitem:
"Hey. I had a good time, too, but that girl that was with you last night was not me. I just can't do it. Well, I can, but I have to be drunk and don't want to live that way."
WTF? I pull over to a parking lot as quickly as I could.
"I was wondering about that. What part of it was you?"
"The kissing, love giving head, sex."
well, that is clear as a bell, isn't it?
"I def. Enjoyed that part. I've seen you drunk and sober, but I figured you were just tipsy. Which parts weren't you?"
"I'm sure you know."
ARGH! I barely keep my temper in check. This was the only bright spot in my day and its being taken away.
"Look, we both promised to just be honest with each other so there are no misunderstandings. I don't take hints very well."
It's true. It's a miracle I'm still not a virgin.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."
"You're not upsetting me, I just want to know. I need you to be straight forward about things."
"I'm trying."
"Then you're going to have to elaborate."
I wait for 10 minutes for an answer that never came and the rest of the evening was spent under a literal and figurative dark cloud in the city.
Waking up the next morning, she was my first thought and I sent another txt that took me 15 minutes to compose:
"Look. I am really into you and I want to see where this goes, but you have to see me halfway to work on this. I know you're busy and have a busy life, but the little time we have, we have to be able to be upfront with each other. If you can't do that then we're doomed from the start."
I stared at my phone for several minutes.
Was this right? Was it too aggressive? Why am I doubting myself?
Screw it.
I hit the send button and waited for a reply.
That was 3 hours ago. Nothing.
Maybe I won't be curtailing my CL dating anytime soon.
ARGH! Dating is NOT supposed to be this hard!
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My position on ... positions
5 years ago
Somewhere along the way we all convinced ourselves dating was supposed to be easy - nothing's easy.
ReplyDeleteAs for KM saying that what happened the night before wasn't her...well it was but she's probably ashamed and embarrassed that it happened. Of course you don't want her to have to get drunk to be with you but like you said, she needs to meet you half way. I hope she gets back to you.
I'm sorry your day's been miserable maybe you need to punch a plushy Santa too :)
that's a pretty big conversation to have by text. i feel for you... and hope you hear from her again.
ReplyDeleteWell, i left off a bit of our conversation in bed because, at the time, it didn't seem important. In hindsight, i should have noticed how aggressive she was.
ReplyDeleteone of the things she initially suggested was for us to go to a bookstore nearby and have sex there. the only reason we didnt was because she wasn't wearing shoes!
NS: i hope it all doesnt collapse. she was a bit taken aback by some of the things i like and i havent mentioned them all yet! hell, i haven't even mentioned my hobby!