THIS is marital bliss?

This past weekend I got a weekend with IF and his wife to a "cook out", the invitation read like this on my phone:


"BBQ this Sunday. 4pm. Be there."

Fine.  I'm all for that. They usually have a good spread and they know I'm good for a bit of mooching (single men are easily bribed/lured with free food, ladies.  I'm just sayin'). 
When I finally get there, the table is literally groaning from the weight of all the food that was cooked and/or brought in. (I was supposed to bring a dish? Ooops!)
The cast of characters that showed up could basically be described like the cast of "Seinfeld" on a "Friend's" set with writers from "Will and Grace."
It's really a screwed up cast:
IF: Idiot friend.  We attend baseball games and strip clubs together.  That's it.  He's so hetero it's not even funny, he goes out of the way to prove it.  Yet he married a fag hag.  Go fig.

IFW:  The bullet I dodged.  Like a combination of Don Rickles, Kathy Griffin, Chelsea Lately, and a Pissed off Grace (of Will and Grace fame).  She told me credits her dropping a good sized percentage of her weight on the South Beach Diet.  
When she noted the blank look on my face, she elaborated; "Yeah, went to South Beach* almost every night and lived on vodka, vicadin, and a little cocaine.

The OTHER boyfriend:  IF goes out with him to other events that AREN'T Baseball (or topless bar) related. Cheater.  They even went to a GEORGE MICHEAL CONCERT together!  (IFW's comment when he went: "Don't come back any gayer!")

Gay Slacker dude:  Has THREE degrees.  THREE!  By age 24.   What does he do?
Anyone?  Anyone?  A WAITER!  A WAITER!  Awesome guy, though. 


San Fran Gay:  Don't really know much about him aside from the fact that he's a nice guy.


Lenny:  Known him since I first met IFW.  Don't know what he does, don't even know his real name.  He's a borderline militant gay.  He doesn't want to work hard at it because he doesn't like to sweat.  Really.

Unknown Straight girl:   Never met her before, but I think they were trying to hook me up.  No.  Ain't happening. 


After greeting the kids, hugging the IFW, and greetings overall, I turn into the kitchen and spot a little banner on the wall "Happy Birthday!"
Fuck. 
As usual I show up empty handed to one of their wingdings.
With little shame, I scoop up some of the yummies off the table and meander my way to the birthday girl.
"Did you ever think you'd make it to 40?"
"There wasn't a doubt in my mind, I just thought I'd be single and have more cats."
Ever charming. 
I asked why they didn't give me a heads up as far her b/day or this was a bit of a potluck dinner and she basically knew that I've been having a rough couple of months and have been working like crazy to save up some money for an objective that I have as well as to distract myself overall.

As I go around talking to the rest of the guests, turns out they were all originally invited to the Superbowl Party.
This party showed promise of a great deal of fun with a ton of one liners going flying:


After one of the boys lures the other (both about 4) into the dog pen:
Friend; "hey connie! Your boy is practing to be a gimp!"
"He can fetch beers and knows the difference between the cans." 


To mom holding infant:
"Baby just puked. Need a napkin?", as I instinctly reached for a wetnap that always seems to be in homes of infants and toddlers.

As she lowers baby to floor: "nah, the dog will take care of it."
Sure enough, he does, as I look on in disbelief as the Boxer takes care of the chore.

As the party was about to head out to the pool, I hesitated because of the heat and was hinting I was quite content (Of which a few others agreed) in staying in the air conditioned comfort of the room.  But the kids were insistent;


"C'mon, let's take the kids to the pool,"
"What?  Why not just let them go by themselves?"
"I know! I want to stay in and drink, but I gotta stay with the little bastards.  Its always about them!"


Later on during the party after we've done some drinking and the Birthday girl not wanting to get up for another drink:
"Fisher price needs to come up with a bar set, so he can learn how to mix drinks when we chill out at home."

There were other great one liners that I just couldn't remember, but the happy couple were playfully sniping each other constantly.
When I remarked to the birthday girl that she seemed very happy her response was typical her:
"I am very happy. I have two great sons, a nice home, the only thing spoiling it is that I wished the daddy was a bit smarter than the kids."



After relenting and eventually going out to join them in the pool, I sweated a bit more and decided it was time to go home.
I hugged BDgirl, shook hands, hugged, and waved to people.

Looking back, I can't say I wasn't just a bit jealous, but seriously wondered if this was idylic in a marriage, or if I had my own weird views on a relationship.

Hopefully, I will find out soon. 




*A local Gay Club called, "South Beach." Awesome dance music, btw. You should go.