Wave off and a test of will power

I was rather ahead of schedule for our first meeting by at least 20 minutes, so I figure I'd give her a quick call to let her know and if she wanted me to order a drink for her.
She didn't answer and it eventually went to voice mail.
Didn't think about it too much at the time, since I was pondering smacking my car into a hummer that was a little too close for comfort.
Two minutes later, my phone rang:
"Hey! I'm sorry I didn't answer, I JUST got home."
"That's cool. Worked late?"
"Yeah, boss kept me running around all day.
"So you REALLY do need that drink, hm? I can wait a bit longer if you need the time to freshen up."
"Actually, I'm bushed, can we make it for another day? Like maybe Wednesday? I'm sorry!"
"Sure, no problem, I have work to do anyway."

Which is true, it was going to be a busy night and the traffic was putting me in a bad mood.

This isn't the first time I got a wave off on a first date, so I didn't let it get to me.


At 4 in the morning, during the night, I realized that i was within a couple of blocks of KM's home, for some inexplicable reason I found myself driving by.
Within a few short moments, I saw the darkened home with her car out front.
I wistfully look at the spot where we had had our first encounter.

Sitting for a few moments, I scribbled the following on a piece of paper:

I do miss you.
Wish you were in my life still, but I'm not angry. Reconsider.
R.

The 30 second walk to her car seemed like forever and the wiper seemed unusually heavy as I slipped it underneath.

I stood there for an eternity watching the moisture from the windshield cling to my paper.
Fuck that.
Grabbing the paper, I threw it into the gutter on the way back to the car.

Shit.

Random odd shit

First off, I'm dressed and ready.

Not going to get super dressed because I have to work tonight and want to be comfortable, but I want to show I CAN clean up properly.

Another thing that has been going through my mind is religion.
Having been raised Catholic, it took quite a bit to change my outlook on life and free myself of most of those bonds, but I have always held on (in a kinda of love/hate kinda' way) to my faith of sorts. I mean, considering what I like to do and have lived my life, I can SO burn in hell.

Then that's when I realized a cool factor with Catholicism; we can confess and all our sins would be forgiven.
I imagine it's akin to writing all your sinful actions on an etch a sketch (albeit a large one for me), handing it to a priest (or God, whatever), having him turn it over and shake it; WOO! Clean slate!

Last night I had several odd dreams, one of which I had a beard when I met my date and she ran away.
Not that I blame her, I tried growing a beard several years ago, I gave up when I figured I was going to look like a Taliban member that smelled of Old Spice.

My other dream related to what I touched briefly in my last post: How to see how kinky they are?

In my head I asked her after the 2nd date (I'm an optimist)the following:
"What would you say to a threesome, either with guys or girls?"
"Do you believe in 'Barny's' saying, 'Caring means sharing' applies sexually as well?"
"What are your thoughts on Anal play and orgies?"
"If you're not into (name kink) do you mind if I have someone on the side that is?"

There were a few more, but I can't remember them. Each one ended in either a slap or me waking up in a cold sweat.

The Preliminaries for a Latin Flavors

I totally forgot to call her on Thursday, Friday, AND Saturday.
Sorry.  I've been BUSY!
Apparently, I didn't slip her mind because she called me Saturday night to let me know she was still around.
Okay.
Apparently I didn't piss her off with my poo-poo-ing her conspiracy theories.
We talked a bit longer and told me about what was going on in her life and mine for a few hours on the phone.
Looking at my calender, I decided to take the plunge and asked her if she wanted to meet at a popular place near where she lives.
She agreed to this, but I had to give her a general idea of what time.  Considering the part of town she was in and the general time it was, traffic was going to be a total nightmare. 
Additionally, she lived within five minutes of the place and readily agreed to the vagueness of time for the reasons I gave.
We talked a bit more until it was time for her to go get some sleep.

Now that the date has been set, I've been over thinking things again;  in particularly sex.
Again, I said that I'm going to be chaste; but at what point is a good time to say;

"By the way, I like orgies and gangbangs.  How about you?"

Run for the border....and back?

Well, I only got three replies to my post on CL since the latest "Break up", but one was interesting.
Sharing a common ethnic background, we hit it off initially.  I ask her some really stupid personal questions, which could be considered a "stereotype" but she laughs it off and replies in the positive...

Then we start hitting off on some personal peeves that people do that make themselves look like a caricature of a stereotype (Read: Brown trash).  We continue laughing about some of the same experiences we shared dating someone of the same race and how we sometimes rolled our eyes when they would do bizarre shit.

Yeah, we both think Gold plates with your name on a chain around your neck is classy.*
Yeah.  We think that penciling (Badly) in your shaved eyebrows is in fashion around the world.*
Oh we definitely think women should wear clothes two sizes too tight.*
If you're not detecting the sarcasm in this section; I'm sorry.

Laughing ourselves silly to the point where I start to uncontrollably cough forces me to cut the call short.

Okay. I'm liking this.

A few hours later, we continue our call and we continue our talk about various things when suddenly she mentions she doesn't do Chinese or Asian food.
"Really?"
"Yep.  Don't like wierd foods."
"SERIOUSLY?"
"Yeah."

Oh fuck. I LOVE Chinese, Thai, and Japanese.
Alright, I can deal with it, I've gotten girlfriends/dates to like different cuisines.

We go to kidding about our relatives and such and I mention I had a relative who is REALLY into conspiracy theories...like not going to the moon.
She responds that he's probably right.

You ever hear that "screeching" noise in your head when you go "WTF?"
Yeah, that's what I heard.

So we actually start debating this and the 9/11 theory.

I finally shut her up by a simple fact of human nature:

People love to talk.
It can't be helped.
Every major event in history has been uncovered because one or two people couldn't stand it anymore.

People not coming out of the woodwork with the Kennedy assassination, The Moon Landing, and 9/11 was something she couldn't deny.
But I might have lost a potential girlfriend by winning a pointless debate..

It was getting late and she had to get to bed, I had more work to do and I had to think about this.

We are a bit distant as far as political ideaology goes, but we think along the same lines culturally and religiously.

We're going to try to arrange a date sometime next week, I am still feeling a bit under the weather and I have a feeling I need my wits about me for this one.

*After debating for an hour or so about linking up to examples, I just couldn't do it.  The relatives might all pile into a tricked out chevy and run to my door...if they can keep their pants from falling down around their knees.

So Long Lauren

Struggling to wake up, I automatically reached for my phone for any messages, and as usual, I had some.
Rolling over to read the various text and email messages, I noticed Lauren sent an email.
She usually sends me some snarky remark relating to something happening in my life.
It wasn't something I was expecting:

Essentially, she has been dating someone else before we had met and it has recently took a more serious turn and she wanted to see it go.  I had suspected she was dating someone else, but that didn't bother me; we weren't serious at the time and it wasn't an issue.  However, I am feeling a bit sore at myself for not making more of an effort to see her, but despite her being relatively close to me, our schedules were against us.  This added to my not having much vested emotionally to her, or rather, each other.

After some thought, I sent her the following: 
Look, don't worry about it.  I am ok with it since our schedules and everything wasn't really falling in place and didn't think it was very fair to you either.
I do wish you the best with your education and career, as well as your relationship.

Obviously there is a bit more to that, but I also included an invitation to a party if she is interested in.

Oh well, it was fun, now that I feel better (Finally!), I'm going to repost the ad I put up earlier this year.

Just a quick one...

Since I've been laid up, I've literally had nothing to do but watch movies, curse my cat, and read blogs.
Hell, I can't even really talk on the phone because of this blasted cough, but I can drive for short periods of time just to get out of this bloody place.

On my other blog, I recently was talking about a blog going away that I'm going to miss, but there has been a close call with another blog. After going through a rough patch with some people associated with, she thought about taking the blog private.  Due to a barrage of comments asking her not to give in, she decided to keep posting like she had done so previously.  It is my hope that this will stem the tide of some very popular blogs that have been going to black in the past few months, among my favorites, which is a shame.


This is an example of why I always tell people to keep the details of their blogs vague enough where people can't pinpoint information about them.  
I happen to live in a large city, and therefore am able to hide more easily, even though I give some details that yet to be seen on any other blogs.  My expectations are that there is enough traffic overall that people won't be able to pin down who is who.

In my last post, I mentioned my fondness of certain movies and what my idealized (maybe totally unrealistic) view of romance.  Well, so happens they are running "The Quiet Man" on TMC on the 17th of March at 8PM EST.
Given this is on St. Patrick's day, everyone should be a bit on the bombed side, so be sure to set up your TiVos or other DVR's. 
I think you ladies might appreciate the movie, though.

On the dating front, I got a nice little offline IM from Andi;
"Haven't heard from you in awhile, how have you been? Call me?"
OMG, is she serious?
After giving it a couple of hours, debating whether or not to reply, I tapped in my message:
"You already know the deal, or haven't you been listening?"

Hopefully she will get the hint, or she simply doesn't want to let go.

My Fantasy, My Wish, My Happily Ever After...IDEALLY

Earlier in the evening, I had a nice casual date with Lauren at a nice little TGIF's (Ew).  She had some personal problems over the past weekend and we talked about it a great deal before we got to talking about things in general.   Just like with Katy, it was a nice casual talk about nothing.  She noted that I didn't look like my mutual self and asked if I had fully recovered, a coughing fit a few seconds later answered her question.
It was a good dinner and I think we needed it to establish whether or not our rapport was genuine. I'm still trying to make up my mind about it.  Making a mental note, I need to try to go out with her more to see if there is a connection there.

Bear with me, I'm all hopped up on Nyquil and Cough Syrup on only a few hours of sleep and if this post makes absolutely no sense, don't worry, I'll edit it when I'm sober-ish.

I'm sitting up emptying out my TiVo of all the programs that have been piling up in the past.  The only things that are on are a few movies that I like watching over and over whitch are VERY idealized romantic movies called, "The Quiet Man" and "The American President."
In fact, right now I'm watching "The Quiet Man" and I get a bit wispy watching it.
Yes.
Me.
The guy who has been a single guy forever who, up until recently, didn't think anything about one night stands.
Fact is, that the two movies are the way I want my IDEALIZED relationship to be.
TQM in particular strikes a chord, for the few girls that haven't discovered the movie, it basically deals with a man (John Wayne) coming back to his roots and falls in love with a traditional girl and hell insues as he tries to make sense of traditions and the silliness he sees on courtship.
God damnit, I WANT the silliness.
Without giving too much away, I am a bit of a traditionalist in some things.  I want someone with the same (general) common background.
No, I don't want a happy house wife; I want a partner. 
I want a woman who I will gladly fight for, and a woman who will not only fight FOR me, but fight against my own stupidity.
Yes. I acknowledge the fact that we men, have a tendency to be more than a little stupid at times.
The way I see it, our spouses are supposed to bring out the best in the people they share their life with.

Okay, so sometimes we may do it kicking as screaming, but in the end, we generally need it.

Well, maybe I'm just talking about myself, but you may nod silently to yourself and I won't tell.


The thing is that I want a woman that has the same basic traditions that I do; who won't bend over to my will and stand up to me when its needed.

Thing is, I thought I came fairly close to that a few times and I was hoping I struck gold recently, but it wasn't meant to be.
To add to being "traditional" as far as a relationship or marriage goes, IDEALLY she would like some of my interests as well.
I know I've discussed this in a previous post, but it still bugs me on what I TRULY want in a relationship and which would win out the most?
If looking for both qualities in a woman, would that lead me on a chase for the Holy Grail that I may never find?  Would it be enough for me to only find half of what I'm looking for to give up looking for either that "Traditional" girl or "Nympho?"

It just makes me wonder.

Excuse me, I have to go ponder sobering up before I go to sleep.