Text Messaging Hell

Why am I here?  Here is the answer:

At 4pm, I go to a bar near where I had hoped we would either have our dinner, a movie, or straight to our Hotel.

Since I didn't know exactly when she was going to drop the kiddos off, I figure I'd send her a quick text to say Hi and see how she is doing:

"Hey, Doll."
"How are you?"
"Good now that you answered. :) Wassup? Dinner? Movie? Both?"
"Why wouldn't I?"  Uh-oh
"I am just teasing, silly."
"Ah. Do what you think is best."  Okay, sounds reasonable. Idiot comment neutralized.
"What I think is best is better with you at my side."  Didn't really care what we did, I just wanted her near me.
"Oh Lord."  Yeah, I expected that response.  Hopefully she cracked a smile at my lame line.
"What? :)"
"You probably just want me to say we can skip all the preliminaries and get right to the sex."  While I would not mind it, the tone did NOT sound good.
"I'm totally agreeable to what you want."  I took a moment to analyze the sentence to make sure there was no stupidity in there somewhere, but I was getting peeved at the remark.
"Whatever is fine." Fine? Danger!  Oh shit. How did I fuck this up?
I go back to re-read what I sent and everything looked fairly free of male stupidity.
"Fine.  If you're hungry, dinner. If not, perhaps a movie.  If you're not in the mood, I'll do hand puppets."
Reading the statement over again.  Flexible overtones with a hint of humor. Okay.
"Just sex is great. That is what you want anyway." WTF? HOW did THAT happen?
"Oh? Didn't realize I was twisting your arm. LOL.  When am I going to be graced with your presence?"
FUCK! I hit send before I could edit it!
"I do not know. I am in a crappy mood."  What The-?
I sit stunned looking at the phone.  I briefly ponder asking the bartender for a whiskey, but think better of it.
There is no point. I beat a hasty retreat:
"I'm sorry. Want to blow it off today or just hang out."  See? no sex. No mention of sex! nothing!
"Do not know yet." OH COME ON!  I realized a few seconds later that everyone in the bar was looking at me.  I guess I said it out loud. VERY loudly.
"K. Going to work for awhile. Hope you feel better, Doll."
I waited for two drinks for a response.  Nothing.
ARGH!
I calmly get up, and decide on some grocery shopping.  It was due.
As I get out of the car, the SAME homeless guy I see everytime I go to the store is about to ask me for money.
He never remembers me.
"WHAT THE FUCK? Don't you know I NEVER give you money?  If I come back with some cocaine will you do me a favor and suck it up so you'll just DIE?", I said it at the top of my voice.
Yeah, maybe I was a bit tense. I immediately start driving home and at the light I squeeze off a text:
"On my way home, Doll.  Call me later if you feel better."
Two hours passed since I got a txt from her to the time I sent her that one.

'Scuse me while I go kill some innocent pillows.