So Long Lauren

Struggling to wake up, I automatically reached for my phone for any messages, and as usual, I had some.
Rolling over to read the various text and email messages, I noticed Lauren sent an email.
She usually sends me some snarky remark relating to something happening in my life.
It wasn't something I was expecting:

Essentially, she has been dating someone else before we had met and it has recently took a more serious turn and she wanted to see it go.  I had suspected she was dating someone else, but that didn't bother me; we weren't serious at the time and it wasn't an issue.  However, I am feeling a bit sore at myself for not making more of an effort to see her, but despite her being relatively close to me, our schedules were against us.  This added to my not having much vested emotionally to her, or rather, each other.

After some thought, I sent her the following: 
Look, don't worry about it.  I am ok with it since our schedules and everything wasn't really falling in place and didn't think it was very fair to you either.
I do wish you the best with your education and career, as well as your relationship.

Obviously there is a bit more to that, but I also included an invitation to a party if she is interested in.

Oh well, it was fun, now that I feel better (Finally!), I'm going to repost the ad I put up earlier this year.

Lauren

Lauren is one of the ones that answered my ad, and have been sporadically emailing each other for quite some time.
One thing that she mentioned in her initial email is her fondness of being submissive and likes that type of play.
Now that my initial hesitation on getting into the lifestyle was made, I must also state that it is important the different kinds.   Before I would dismiss it outright, I wanted to know what the kinks were, but she felt (rightly so) that such things would not be in her best interest to discuss about initially.

Unfortunately, our schedules aren't very conducive to meeting, her taking night school as well as a full time job.  But I have enough respect for her ethic for me to at least see if I can keep her as a friend.
Really.
Platonic.
I mean that.

Jumping through hoops? Nah.

I have gotten quite a few responses from my little ad, but a few were just asking for too much.

One I shall mention is SW:

SW seemed like a charming women, about my age and immediately started talking and sent her a photo. The three photos she sent made her seems whimsical and seemed to have a sunny disposition, including a bodyshot of her in a dress which, I assume was going on a night out. The photo I usually send is a recent one from a trip to New York on a weekend trip that included a Yankees game (Yes, I travel to other cities for games.), but it also shows me slightly inebriated, but still a good photo. We chatted for a bit and finally sent her my number.

Before she would call, she demanded a SOBER photo, so I hunted the only recent photo there was of me sober. Almost the exact same pose, but during the daytime (about half an hour before the drinking started).

Then she asked for a full bodyshot like I the one she had sent me.
Again, I don't take photos of myself and any photos I DO have are in the possession of friends. I was a bit peeved about this, I searched through my files. I literally have THOUSANDS of photos and eventually found a full body shot of me about six years ago in a Tux in which I was a few tons lighter.

No.

If she wants to talk to me, she can do it on the photos I gave her. The sunny disposition she had showed initially, to me, showed that she was someone who didn't trust people's pictures and won't meet them until she knows what they look like.
Now, granted, I don't think it's unreasonable, but if I don't have a photo, I just don't have a photo.
Yes, I can go to the bathroom and take a new one, but it'll suck.

Nice knowin' ya SW.

Another infuriating email I have received by a girl that just had one sentence:

"Can I see your photo first?"

WTF? No "Hi?", no other preamble what-so-ever?

Good lord, ladies!

The stars aligned...

Quite a bit happened this week. Got some really whacked out responses and a few twists in some of the emails I received.
KM called up for another chance to make up for last weekend, and I couldn't help but accept, but more about that, and other stuff, in a later post.

The thing I wanted to talk about how, for some reason, my mind is shifting to "Wanting a relationship" mode.
Yes, my mind is shifting a bit TOO much into it.
Yes, I want a "We", but I don't want to become blind to the realities of dating.
Actually, I need to rephrase that, more like the "Dangers" of dating.
It happens to all of us in some form once we have an objective in mind. We have a tendency to develop a sense of tunnel vision that filters all other things out to our detriment.
When I'm looking for people for my parties, I don't think about the peripheral stuff. I don't care what issues aside their being mentally stable/reliable enough to handle some adult fun.
When you're focused on trying to find someone for a "Relationship", the focus has to change a bit. You have to widen your idiot/geek/psycho/trekkie/psychic/SCA enthusiast detector to a more sensitive setting.
Basically, you have to look at a person as a total package and I think I have been too much of a dumbass to reset those parameters in my head.

I kept thinking how I am not acting like my rational self. I'm not blowing off women who are in the least bit flakey like I normally would. So for those 3 people that have been reading my idiot mistakes, I apologize. On my way to my date, this is what was going through my head as I was going to the restaurant.
Generally when I walk anywhere, I take in everything that is going on around me.
Bits of conversation.
Sounds of traffic. (lest I get run over)
See various people are doing.
What struck me was that I had just turned behind an elderly couple. Initialy I dismissed them as I kept pace behind them (I wasn't in a hurry, and I didn't want to rush them), but the more I looked, the more I was envious.
They were at least in their late 70, walking hand in hand. It was the hand holding that really got me. It wasn't the "don't fall behind" grasp, but a tender touch that they both took pains to maintain.
As I got in closer, it became more obvious on movie they had watched and were having a deep discussion about it. As they turned to where their car was parked, I faintly heard, "My life would be empty without you."
I WANT that. I want someone to be old with!
They kept on their perpendicular path and the husband looked at me. Apparently surprised I was so close behind them.
He nodded his head at me in greeting and I smiled back.
I wiped the mist from my eyes (I can be an old softy and romantic), and continued on my way
Deciding that if this didn't work, made myself promise this was the last shot she had.

How'd I get here?

I have been reading blogs off and on for several years, before they got big on the news.
A friend of mine asked why *I* didn't start a blog and my response to him was that no one would believe the crap I would write, much less understand it.
I didn't think I'm much of a writer, and looking back at some of the drivel I have written, I was right!
Eventually I did start a blog about my hobby, and I was fairly content.  But I had let it wallow for quite some time as I took a break to concentrate on life.
But the call for wild sex compelled me to start again and my friends were glad to see me "back at it".
My personal wake up call was when at, part after party, I would leave at the end of the evening alone.

Since then, I've met a number of women, who are going to get their own posts, just so I can keep track of it.   Not entirely sure how if I should have one for each blog, or put them in a single post and on which blog.

Ugh. Can't ANYTHING be straightforward?

In walks in KS....for awhile

Since KM and I aren't exactly a sure thing, I decide to put out a whimsical post to see what happens.  I was so proud of myself, I posted it on here.
I know, I need a life.
I run out the door on a fairly tight schedule of running around in a town like mad because a "snowstorm" hit my city.
Sometime during the day, I hear my phone buzz and I got a reply on that silly post.  What was great is that it was also in a (bad) poetic form.
She listed her fetishes as well as what she wanted to experience.  I replied in kind and managed to rhyme out not only the hotel info and basic location but also my number.
Yet, I can barely put together a proper paragraph together.
Whatever.
I go about my day and eventually she calls me at about 6:30 and after a few minutes, we agree to meet at a Starbucks at about 7:30 that was relatively close to the both of us.
I go in early, mostly because I was cold, but to scrounge a table to us, when the time approached, I saw a cute, slightly overweight blonde walking in.
Knowing it was her, I smiled.
She looked at me, smiled and looked away.
O.K.
Figuring that she was going to just get a cup of  coffee, I proceed to finish reading my emails.
Suddenly my phone went off.
It was her!   I look over to where she was seated and picked up the phone.
"Umm....I'm RIGHT HERE!"
She strode over to where I was and proceeded to chitchat.  We talked about many things, her fascination with craigslist (she's only been doing it for 2 weeks) and some of the whack jobs she's met.
I related some of my stories and we got a good laugh.
After steering the conversations on what she wanted to experience, I casually mentioned my hobby.   She was fascinated by it, particularly the party that was scheduled.  After I convinced her that I wasn't a psychopath, she readily agreed to come. 
The starbucks was closing (at 8:30pm?!?), so we had to beat a hasty retreat. I didn't want to end the convo, but I had things to do and sitting outside in the cold with her shivering would be bad form.

A couple of little nibbles....

Well, I sent out a bold post on CL on my quest of trying to find some permanent happiness (or depression, depending on how you look at it.) and got a couple of responses. One was a girl named "V" which seems interesting, but hasn't answered my response back to her, so I have a feeling I can write her off.

The Other is "GD". Seems to be some sort of spiritual guru or something, what particularly caught my attention is that she sent her number along with the email. Her initial email was a good light banter that seemed quite....refreshing. I did respond that I would rather write for awhile before I would call, but thanked her for offering.

My only concern is this spiritual/psychic stuff that she is part of. Is not that I disbelieve or have a prejudice against it. It's just the fact that I've dated people along with those beliefs and they are highly flaky. The GOOD part of it is that they're VERY kinky.

"KM" hasn't called or Texted in a number of days, so I'm going to assume I'm off her radar. I am going to send one more text to see how she is and ask if I should consider this a kissoff, to be sure.

We men are bad at figuring out what women think/intend.

It all just leads back to how stupid men are.