When Insecurities interfere....

I think it's time for a bit of an update:

FF and I have been dating semi-regularly,  but only once a week or so.  My work and her obligations make our dating life a bit sedate of sorts, but we do manage to get in some smooching sessions going on, though.

There has been a pattern over the past month that has gotten to me.   I know this is way to early for us to stress out about, but she seems to be torn as to where to live.   I love the city and all the opportunities that can be found here.  She seems to be mired into living in one of the outlying southern communities.

While I understand the logic behind what she wants, she seems overly concerned at this stage of our relationship.  So much so, that we had "broken up" right after New Years.

The "Break up" consisted of her dating other guys.  Something I had suggested to her awhile ago. 

Her insecurity about me is starting to get to the point of annoyance everytime she brings it up.  
After our last meeting, she texted me the following...out of the blue:

"I don't want to lose you."
"Want me to attach a GPS on my ankle??"
"No. I'm afraid to lose you if you find someone better, but I'm not sure I'm  ready to let you go if you do."

I roll my eyes, almost causing me to have an accident on an empty freeway.

Tossing my phone over my shoulder into the backseat, I continue driving home...

Celibacy...what's that? date updates and catching up.

Well, I've had two dates with her since I last wrote but I've simply been too busy with work, drama, and FF to able to keep up so here is a basic update for the 3 three readers that seem to care. :)

Our date a couple of weeks ago, we tried a simple movie night at her place.
We never made it beyond 30 minutes before clothing started to fall off.

The sex was wild, it was insane, it was JUST this side of rough.
My god how she gushed, it was awesome.
Of course, I HAD to drink up every oz I could; it would be a shame to get it on her couch.

This past weekend, we tried for the celibacy thing again.
Destination:  The Greek Festival.
Damn.  There was rain.  We divert to a mexican joint I love.
We're sitting there and talking.
I love the city.  Vibrant, colorful, tons to do.
"I hope to move near here soon." as I was scooping in some of my tasty meal.
"You like living in town?"
It was that TONE. 
"Yes, near baseball, the museums, theater, etc. I love it."
"So you're not interested in a house?"  I didn't spot it this time.
"Oh, Hell no.  I've done the house thing. Gimme a condo or townhome."
The discussion then went to how she loves the 'burbs.  The quiet.  The peace.

I almost gagged on my breakfast.
Been there. Done that. Hated it.
I mean, not that there is anything wrong with it, but it's not for ME!

The conversation was interrupted by our server and our collective ADD switched topics to a favorite topic: Food.

The date ended with a serious smooching/eating session, as usual in my car.  Go fig.

we managed to meet for a late night dinner or two and things seemed to go well.

Then yesterday I get a text:

Her: "Why do we orture ourselves with dating when we know we can't agree where to live if we're together?"







WTF? Where did THAT come from?  During some of our talks, I suggested a public school within the city that specializes in the career he was interested in.  Since she was new to the city, she had no idea it existed and seemed somewhat taken aback that such an opportunity was there.

We texted a bit furiously after that and asked her if she just wanted to call it off, she responded with the following:

"I won't bring it up again. Friend just advised me o grow up and live for what I've got and not plan for future but let things happen."

Lord how people over-analyze things when they're dating.

Texting promises, concerns, AND a prank...

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Hmm..Maybe I can scare her off?

Well, Andi seems to be calling and Texting more often, which is driving me a bit crazy.  We're making some headway and it appears that we are slowly mending fences.
The more I thought about it, the more of a bad idea this was, iitially, I thought I might have scared her off with my "Grocery list" and she hung up rather quickly after that.  I took that to mean that I scared her off.

Little did I realize that a few days later, she would text me again.

"You really surprised me with that list."

"Really?"

"It was....fascinating...and perhaps enticing."

"What interested you?"*
"All of it."

"Really?"

"Yes."

For some reason, I never really talked about some of the wilder stuff that I do, but it seemed important now for some reason. Perhaps when I shared the list I'd scare her away and she wouldn't talk to me because I "was a pervert!"

As we talked more, I decided perhaps this would be an ideal way to end it by scaring her by mentioning something over the top!

"You know, I could have made all those things come true."

"Really?"

"OH yes, if we were together, I have no hesitation to spreading your cheeks and having other guys have their way with your ass or pussy while you suck on someone else's cock."

I could have sworn that I heard her gasp over the phone all the way from her city.

"That sounds like it would be fun. Yes, I'd like that."

???

This isn't working out like I had planned.

"Really?"

"Yes, I always wanted that, but all I've had was boring boyfriends."

"OK."  It was the only thing I could think of saying without seeming TOO idiotic.

"I need to get some sleep, and you got me totally wet.  Going to play for a bit, sorry I can't call, but I'm at my cousin's house."

"Okay. Gnite."

WTF?
Just when I thought I figured something out, people throw me for a loop.

* I'll put up a post/link of it on my other blog soon for those that are curious.

Let's Eat, Drink, and go to Mary's! The first Date

A couple of days ago, I had an inspiration to go to the Houston Pride parade and figured that would be a neat first date.  I made the suggestion to Teaser and she readily accepted since she's never gone into that neighborhood before (suburban mom) and thought it would be a neat adventure.

Since I knew traffic and parking was going to be a nightmare, I suggested we'd meet at a hotel and share a cab in.  I got there a few minutes before she arrived and was greeted by an attractive friendly face. Since we had at least four hours before the parade, we sat and had a beer and had some idle talk for a  bit before we decided it was time to head into town before traffic in the area would build up.
After being dropped off at a Greek restaurant, went inside for a quick meal and drink.  After the meal, I leaned over for a tentative kiss and she was quite receptive to it.  My confidence bolstered, we pondered as to what to do and decided she needed to see what the area had to offer.  We stopped at Mary's to make arrangements to get on the roof and got a beer while we were at it. 
Sitting down, we really talked about much, but it was a good convo.  From what I can tell, she was eyeballing everything going on in the bar and after the beers arrived via a scantily clad bartender and predicted that she will see a cock inside of 10 minutes.
Almost on cue, someone dropped their pants and showed of his cock and she just looked at him with a wild-eyed look and we both had a good laugh about that.

Finishing our beers, we wound up hitting the a variety of clothing resell shops, and during our long walk*, she got an eyeful of the various people who had staked out a place along the route.  It was crowded, wild, and if you're not careful, you can easily get lost; so I took the initiative and offered my hand to hold.  She took it without hesitation and that simply gave me the clear that she was comfortable with me.
As we wandered through one store than another, I started to give her a bit of a smooch now and again, some more intense than others.

Eventually, we had back to Mary's before the crowd makes it impossible to move around and sit in the bar. A little after we got out drinks, I started to smooch her a bit and I had moved closer.  She had felt that I was aroused and, I can't remember exactly who instigated it**, but her hand slowly went up my shorts (these as a matter of fact), and I couldn't help myself to adjust my position to allow her more access.  As I felt her gently grip my cock, she slowly started making a stroking motion.  As I looked at her face, the expression had changed, to what I believe, was simply the joy of holding a cock. In a room with at least 90 people with a lip syncing act right behind us.  Her expression changed yet again when I suggested she rubbed the tip and felt the unmistakable texture of precum. 
By this time, my cock was sticking out of my shorts, and I reached down, rubbed the tip and brought my finger up to her lips and coated her lips with my juices and let out a silent moan.  If the bar wasn't full of people, I hardly doubt it would have been silent.
I repeated the gesture again and put rubbed some of it on her tongue.   I was so turned on, I was afraid to ponder what would happen if I reached an orgasm.
Maybe come in my hand and feed it to her?
That possibility died a quiet death as she withdrew her hand and composed herself.  The time to go upstairs quickly arrived and we took our positions to watch the parade.

The rest of the evening was fairly quiet as we enjoyed getting beads from below and simply enjoyed each other's company.  We arrived back at the hotel, talked for a bit in lobby and asked her if she had a good time.
She responded in a positive sense, but hedged a bit on how this was basically her first shot at dating since the divorce and seemed to hedge whether or not she wanted to date.

I understood where her head was, but I question every move that I did. 
Every single move I did, I waited for ANY signal that whatever I was doing was NOT welcome, but at every step, all I got were positive reactions.  We texted each other briefly to make sure she got home okay, but I figured she just wanted to spend time of the kids (read: inquisition).

She went to bed with a short text and, once again, saying that she had a terrific time.
Now I just have to wait and see..the good news is, that she hasn't read the blog since she discovered it.

Yeah, we'll see how long THAT lasts.


*well, considering there wasn't any shade in the 100+ temperature, it WAS long.
** DUH! I probably did.

Why do they come back?

For the past couple of weeks it just seems that old girlfriends come out of the woodwork, within 3 weeks, Andi, Stella, and Stormcloud have contacted me.

Andi has been chatting off and on with me for the past several weeks.  Having decided that I was going to be a passive participant in this by simply giving basically one or two word responses to her various questions and the occasional pauses of what was going on in HER life. She had made more of a concerted effort to contact me, but I really didn't see a point in it.

We didn't discuss US, we didn't talk about good old times.  We simply talked about how our separate lives.
I finally had to question her motives to calling me about nothing.  Most of my friends who call me, we bitch about each other's lives, make plans for dinner, talk about kids, SOMETHING.
But not her.
"What is your point in calling me? I thought we finished this conversation a few months ago." I asked as I tried to keep my temper in check.
"Just want to...I miss you.." She started to say in a quiet voice.
"We're not dating, and I seriously doubt I'm on your dating radar again." I replied.
"Never say never."
Fine. Whatever.
I then discussed how hard it was going back into the dating pool and thought I'd mention how difficult it was to find someone with the same kinks.
She was curious.
I listed them.  We called it "The Grocery List."
There was silence with only the occasional acknowledgment.

After I was done, I waited.

"Some of it seems quite fascinating. You know, I need to go to bed, got to get to the gym in the morning." was the only thing she could say.
"Okay, see you later, bye." as I closed the phone and threw it the phone at the couch in frustration.

Within 24hrs, Stella and Stormcloud Contacted me.

Late into the evening yesterday, I was on the couch semi-dozing, recovering from several days without little sleep when I my phone buzzed with a text msg.
Pushing the cat off, I reached for the phone on the floor, I saw that it wasn't anyone on my contact list.
"[daughter's name] is going to a baseball game with the in-laws.  She's excited to be in town and hopes to see you."
The fog from my doze cleared instantly.
Fuck! It was Stella!
I ignore the msg.   I was done with her.  I refuse to get myself involved with her.   So I ignore the text and go on with my evening.
This evening, I get another text; "She says that the astros aren't doing well.  Can you meet her for drinks after the game?"
What? Is she out of her head?
It took some effort, but I ignored the text.  I don't plan on answering it, but I'm stupid enough to keep it on my phone.  If I had any brains, I'd delete it as soon as I finish this entry.

Finally, Stormcloud.
God bless her, but no.  She calls me up at 4am yesterday.  Instead of a friendly conversation, she starts in on about her financial problems, the problems with her daughter and in-law and such.  I initially was about to offer her some cash (again), until she mentioned a boyfriend.
AWESOME! I'm (hopefully!) FREE!
After listening to about 20 minutes of conversation, as usual, my mood was dropped to the point where even the pope would consider suicide as a form of bliss and would waive the "sin" if I would do it.
On the 8th try, I finally was able to pry a polite way to hang up.


Geeze. I ask again, why don't they just leave me alone and just delete me?

Finally, I have Teaser:
We haven't had a chance to meet, nor have we had even an opportunity to talk on the phone because of our schedules.
Having chatted some more, she seemed more at ease with our potential to date than she had previously.
Since she had discovered my blogs, I tried to spin it as "Hey! you know more of me than most people would when they first meet someone!" and spelled out that she had the advantage.

The more we talked, the more she seemed to enjoy me and I seemed to enjoy her intellect as well and we both agreed that we have a nice mesh of kinks.
I might get more into that, but it made me think that perhaps a list of my kinks might be needed; a "grocery list" if you will.

Ohwell, I think it's time for a nap.

Good byes and hello's?

Having a particularly rough day, I couldn't resist but to send KM a simple text.

"For what it's worth, Happy Mother's day."

My intent was that, I wished to continue our conversation and try to be less harsh to her and see where she wants this go to.

"Nice. You're an idiot."

Okay.  That doesn't say much, so I simply responded:

"That isn't exactly a secret, Y'know."

Nothing since.
For whatever its worth, I think I blew it, but I don't think it was much of a loss.

While just sitting watching TV for another hour or so, my phone buzzed.

Andi.
We talked for a bit, she wanted to know how I was, so I relayed some of the recent (Vanilla) drama in my life and mentioned my previous "Conversation" with KM in the vaguest of terms.
She mentioned she recently had a falling out with a guy she was "seeing" for a bit as well. 
We really didn't cover any new ground, except that she said she'd try harder and, once again, apologized for being such a wishy-washy person.

We hung up on better terms than we did last time, but I'm still apprehensive as to what she has in mind.

I guess its time to put up another ad.

Returning with ghosts...

I was out and about working and doing the idiot things that I do, when my phone buzzed, I looked down and this is basically a Text conversation that covered TWELVE hours:

Hey Guy-you doing okay? --KM

AW SHIT! I pondered for several minutes as to what to do. SOOOOO...I did the only thing my simple male mind could think of:

Me: how are you? Doing fine, actually.

KM: Good

KM: How's your love life?

Me: Nonexistent, really. Had a few nibbles but nothing appealing.

KM: :-(

Me: Found someone you're attached to? I was missing you.

STUPID! STUPID! Why did I say that?? probably because it's true.

KM: Well, lots of soul searching. Robert comes home Thursday for three weeks. I am trying to get to where I don't need to see him. Honestly, I have thought of you almost every day. I wasn't being fair having someone else in my heart. That is not the type of relationship I want.

Me: I figured that was the issue, for the most part.

KM: Yep.

We talked a bit more about some of her relationships deal with the other guy, and I got a bit peeved and was wondering WHY she was texting:

Me: So, the reasoning of this texting is for you to reaffirm that?

KM: Must you be so hard? I was opening the line of communication.

Me: Sorry if it came out that way. I really liked you, but you put up a number of reasons why we can't be together, and while I would love to date you again, I have to be cynical. Particularly since you said we could still be friends after THE TALK.

KM: You know what? You didn't try to contact me, either so don't give me that bullshit. I should have known better.

Me: Actually, you said you'd let me know after you left. I am not going to harass a girl who wants space. You know that's how I am. I drive by your place all the time and refrain from putting a I miss you note on your car window, so you don't feel like you have STALKER. On your hands.

KM: That would have been very sweet.  <What? REALLY??>

Me: What you might consider sweet, another would see as. A stalker. See my point. I do miss you though.

KM: I would never put you in the stalker category.

Me: And how am I supposed to know that? You want space, I give it to you. We men are stupid with signals, remember? You have to hit us over the head.

KM: I still don't know what I want or need. I work entirely too much to think about myself. I do know that I miss you. That has to count for something, right?

Me: Yes it does, I am open to quite a few things in life, but I can't compete with a ghost.

Which is true. Until she can get the other guy out of her head, there is no point of even really having this discussion and it irritated me. The entire conversation was starting to get on my nerves.

KM: I'm sorry to have bothered you.

Me: You're not bothering me, I just like to know where I stand with you. You say you want to open a line, but I don't understand to what end. I would love for you to come back to me, though.

Once again, I realize some of the stupid shit I'm saying. Do I really want her back?

KM: Would you?

Me: Yes, but you had issues about me though.

KM: Yes, but you said you could adjust

.

The question, could I? Would I be willing to give up my hobby?

KM: So.....I am at Work. Would love for you to come give me a hug.

Me: I'm sweaty at the moment.

Truth is, I didn't want to cave in and drive there. I wanted to be logical about the whole thing.

KM: I really miss you.

Me: I miss you too, and I think about our smooching sessions.

KM: Same here. I just don't know where to go from here. It still scares me.

Me: What? The smooching scares you?

KM: No. I was falling for you.

Me: I was digging you too...but again, there has to be quite a bit to talk about. Remember, there were some issues with me that you didn't seem very fond of.

KM: I know. But you seemed to want to work with me.

Me: I do, but we need extended time together.

KM: I can give you that. Well, if you are willing to date a workaholic.

Me: Duh! Ms. Pot? I'm Mr. Black. Pleasure to meet you.

KM: I know.

Me: Calling it a night.

KM: Continue this later?

Me: Sure, if you want.

KM: Goodnight.

That was this past Sunday. We continued to talk a bit later, after we both couldn't sleep and touched upon something that was not resolved earlier in the day.

I asked her about Robert, and finally said, unless she wants us in a threesome, she needs to resolve this.

While I meant to say it in a joking way, she never responded back.

Sure, my life has no drama...

On my way to work yesterday evening, I needed to go ahead and push forward with meeting Lauren to see what kind of chemistry is there before deciding to put up another ad or not.
Giving her a quick call, we have some social niceties before I just cut to the chase and ask her if she wants to go to a movie and dinner on Sunday.
She quickly accepts, but I can tell there was something she wanted to ask, but chose not to continue.

We talk about a movie, she approves, and then I promise we'll talk about firming up the time as the day draw near.

Yeah. I know. I'm such a romantic.
Shut up.

As my day progresses, I get a text.
Hmm....gee..who sends texts....
KM!
Yeah, I'm surprised too. Here's the entire conversation, of which I can't figure out what she's trying to say:

KM: "What are you up to?"
Me: "Not much."
KM: "Working?"
Me: "Sorta. You?" Translation: "Cut to the chase. You dropped me."
KM: "On my porch reflecting. Letting you go was difficult."
Me: "Ok. I didn't expect to hear from you this quickly." Which I didn't. Ever.
KM: "I am sorry."
Me: "About what?"
KM: "Everything."
Me: "Oh. Okay."
20 minute pause.
Me: "I guess that was all then."

WTF what all that about? Can a woman translate that for me? Am I over-thinking this? What really made it awkward was the fact that I just happen to be 4 blocks away when the texting started.  It was hard not to turn the car around.

I know this goes onto my OTHER blog, but it just shows how weird my dating/other life, is sometimes.

Katy:  "Hey.  Really enjoyed the other morning."
Me:    "So did I.  Look forward to it again."
Katy:  "When is a party? I want about 6 guys."
Me:    "Okay. March?"
Katy:  "That would be awesome."

Now to get a party organized too..

It's 12:30 am, do you know where your date is?

Well, once again, work gets in the way of my date with KM on Tuesday, Friday, and Last night (Sunday) . Good thing we're not DATING.

Now, to be fair, MY work kinda' interfered with it, but that was on Tuesday.
Whatever.

I guess because I told her I was doing 10 LOADS, she just assumed I was probably too busy to be bothered with a smooching session with her.
Oh yeah, laundry.
I just got a hard on for it.

On a side note, she confessed she fingered herself silly to my text message a few days ago.

Anyway, back at the ranch...

At about 12:30am, I got a TEXT from Lauren.
A TEXT!
Doesn't anyone believe in talking anymore?

"We didn't make a date. :-("
"How about tomorrow?"
"Cool. Red Lobster? 4:30?"
"I'm SO there."

Red Lobster?? I guess it's about as good as a place for a first date as any.

But RED LOBSTER?!?

Whatever. Well, at least it will prove to be an interesting date.

HURRY KM! Your ship is sailing!

A text to wake up to:

What she read first thing in the morning on her phone:

"I want to sit you down on my lap, nude and away from me, while I nibble on your neck and rub your clit."

What I wanted to do, but neglected to put in, "In full view of a room full of men and women."

Is that bad?