Updates

I know it has been quite some time since I have updated.
Truth be told, nothing of significance has occurred until recently.  It seems that I will be adding some new characters to my lineup:

• Kiddo, as you know is my..well, college child and has been mentioned in passing.

• "James", is her oldest.  Obnoxious kid that is trying to find himself, so I kinda' cut him a little slack.  It seems like he's well on his way on being a world class douchebag as he gets older*, but I'll work on that.

• Rabbit, is a younger sister a couple of years younger.  She's also trying to find herself in that awkward stage.  I hate to say it, but she's not that bright. ("14+7=24, right?")

• Tommy, who is the youngest.  He acts and thinks like a typical child of his age, so I give him quite a bit of slack, much to FF's dismay.

This past weekend, we stayed at a hotel in Downtown to simply enjoy each others company (Read: fuck our brains out) and had a chance to actually move beyond the drivel we normally talk about and started getting into some other more meaningful topics.
I think we're about to move into a bit of the next stage.  No, "I love you's" were exchanged, but I think it is safe to say they were implied.
We got the big "Swinger" topic out of the way and is willing to play up to a point, but I will get to that later.

The weekend ended well, we were happy and content** and all was right with the world.
But there was one slight thing that kinda' happened before the weekend.
Katy and I have been talking, but nothing serious and I will touch upon that in the OTHER blog.
Then this past friday, Stella mentioned that she was moving into town.  The conversation I can't really share, but I pretty much told her that I'm off the market, but I didn't tell her if FF OK's it, that's another story..

As FF and I are talking and I'm giving her the heads up and history of stella, my phone buzzes with an incoming email.

Andi.

Do these girls have impeccable timing or what?

* C'mon, you know the assholes, douchebags, and jerks you know now had to come from SOMEWHERE.
**You know you had a good weekend when your cock is sore. 

One door opens wider, and trying shutting another.

 The progression between FF and I as a couple, seems to be moving forward.
Seems like she wants me to meet the kids within the next few weeks or so.
Personally, I think it's a bit too soon, but it's something she wants to happen, so I'm not going to argue too much about it.

She continues to tell me about her variety of Craig's list posts and responses she confessed that one in which one that she answered for a massage went much further than she intended.  She asked if I would be opposed to go one with her.

My comment was that I'd probably make it worse and have both of the guys do her instead.
She just giggled about it and we let the matter drop.  Either way, things seems to be on the road to be more serious between us.


Since she still actively goes on CL for a variety of reasons, I'm not going to get into too much of what she specifically looks for or anything.



A few hours later, as I was writing ANOTHER post, Andi came up on one of my IM's.


Andi says:
 Hello
 how was your thanksgiving?
RIV says:
 Hey there. how are you?  Doing okay, worked it mostly.
Andi says:
 so whats new?
RIV says:
 Not too much. Might be meeting my g/fs kids in a week or two.

Andi says:
 cool
 Nervewracking ..meeting the kids huh?
 oh wow
 RIV says:
 Yes, I think it's a bit soon, but if that's what she wants, I can't really argue about it.  She's the best judge on that.
If things work out, I might get married sometime in the next two years or so as well, but we'll see.*
Andi says:
 oh wow
 thats great 
RIV says:
 yeah, she's freshly divorced, so I have to take it easy.
Andi says:
 I get that
 Meeting the kids is a big step..so one thing at a time
RIV says:
 I'm sure you do, the divorce was final just recently.
Andi says:
 Okay
 I could think of no other appropriate response to that ..lol
RIV says:
 LOL. not much you can say to that, really.
Andi says:
 I guess not
RIV says:
 I've been rather gunshy with divorcee's as of late.. had two other ones bail because they weren't ready.
Andi says:
 I dont blame you there..i dated way before I was ready and well it was a disaster
 I am in a much better place now
RIV says:
 Exactly.
 Which is why I'm actively encouraging her to meet other guys.
Andi says:
 Okay
 I can see that
 Can I tell you something?
RIV says:
 sure.
Andi says:
 I feel like everytime I talk to you , I want to tell you thanks for talking to me again.. I know it sounds nuts but thanks for the second chance.
RIV says:
 Oh. Okay.
 To be honest with you, you didn't get a second chance.  You dropped off my dating radar.
Andi says:
 I know that but I am glad we can be friends at least
 i am the same way as you , I am not forgiving when people are like I was.
 I can close a chapter with the best of them
Rick says:
 surely.
Andi says:
 Its a regret though.. but anyway I should finish this marketing project
 Have a good night..
RIV says:
 G'nite.
Andi says:
 thanks for clarifying that for me, I assumed as much. have a really good christmas in case I dont catch you. I am really glad to hear things are working out for you.  But I am sorry about us.
RIV says:
 No problem.  Take care.
Andi says:
 One last thing, its the most important. I hope you get all the happiness you deserve, you are priceless.

With that, she logged off before I had a chance to reply.  


I continued working on that "OTHER" post and a few minutes later, she was back and the conversation turned decidedly sexual in tone.


This is NOT what I was expecting after that chat.  
We wound up watching part of the Star Wars marathon together and had the oddest convos.


"Luke would be such a BORING lay" would be one of the comments uttered by her.
"How does Darth Masturbate in that thing?" she said at one point.
"Probably uses the 'Force'." I typed without even a pause to think about it. 


Somehow, in our typical rambling way, the conversation turned to the parties I throw**, and hinted she'd be interested, but I can't be there unless I was her "partner."


A few minutes after it started to turn into cybersex, I just said I needed to go to bed and called it a night and told her I had to get ready for bed. 
I'm sure it was quite frustrating for her.  


A few minutes later I got a text from her, "I never seen you run so fast before."
I ignored it and crashed.


* While I'm not sure if FF and I are going there anytime soon, I'd thought I'd throw that out there to see if I can plant that I really don't want her contacting me.  I can be TOO subtle at times.  
** She doesn't know the extent or the blog, and I doubt if she ever will. 

Hmm..Maybe I can scare her off?

Well, Andi seems to be calling and Texting more often, which is driving me a bit crazy.  We're making some headway and it appears that we are slowly mending fences.
The more I thought about it, the more of a bad idea this was, iitially, I thought I might have scared her off with my "Grocery list" and she hung up rather quickly after that.  I took that to mean that I scared her off.

Little did I realize that a few days later, she would text me again.

"You really surprised me with that list."

"Really?"

"It was....fascinating...and perhaps enticing."

"What interested you?"*
"All of it."

"Really?"

"Yes."

For some reason, I never really talked about some of the wilder stuff that I do, but it seemed important now for some reason. Perhaps when I shared the list I'd scare her away and she wouldn't talk to me because I "was a pervert!"

As we talked more, I decided perhaps this would be an ideal way to end it by scaring her by mentioning something over the top!

"You know, I could have made all those things come true."

"Really?"

"OH yes, if we were together, I have no hesitation to spreading your cheeks and having other guys have their way with your ass or pussy while you suck on someone else's cock."

I could have sworn that I heard her gasp over the phone all the way from her city.

"That sounds like it would be fun. Yes, I'd like that."

???

This isn't working out like I had planned.

"Really?"

"Yes, I always wanted that, but all I've had was boring boyfriends."

"OK."  It was the only thing I could think of saying without seeming TOO idiotic.

"I need to get some sleep, and you got me totally wet.  Going to play for a bit, sorry I can't call, but I'm at my cousin's house."

"Okay. Gnite."

WTF?
Just when I thought I figured something out, people throw me for a loop.

* I'll put up a post/link of it on my other blog soon for those that are curious.

Why do they come back?

For the past couple of weeks it just seems that old girlfriends come out of the woodwork, within 3 weeks, Andi, Stella, and Stormcloud have contacted me.

Andi has been chatting off and on with me for the past several weeks.  Having decided that I was going to be a passive participant in this by simply giving basically one or two word responses to her various questions and the occasional pauses of what was going on in HER life. She had made more of a concerted effort to contact me, but I really didn't see a point in it.

We didn't discuss US, we didn't talk about good old times.  We simply talked about how our separate lives.
I finally had to question her motives to calling me about nothing.  Most of my friends who call me, we bitch about each other's lives, make plans for dinner, talk about kids, SOMETHING.
But not her.
"What is your point in calling me? I thought we finished this conversation a few months ago." I asked as I tried to keep my temper in check.
"Just want to...I miss you.." She started to say in a quiet voice.
"We're not dating, and I seriously doubt I'm on your dating radar again." I replied.
"Never say never."
Fine. Whatever.
I then discussed how hard it was going back into the dating pool and thought I'd mention how difficult it was to find someone with the same kinks.
She was curious.
I listed them.  We called it "The Grocery List."
There was silence with only the occasional acknowledgment.

After I was done, I waited.

"Some of it seems quite fascinating. You know, I need to go to bed, got to get to the gym in the morning." was the only thing she could say.
"Okay, see you later, bye." as I closed the phone and threw it the phone at the couch in frustration.

Within 24hrs, Stella and Stormcloud Contacted me.

Late into the evening yesterday, I was on the couch semi-dozing, recovering from several days without little sleep when I my phone buzzed with a text msg.
Pushing the cat off, I reached for the phone on the floor, I saw that it wasn't anyone on my contact list.
"[daughter's name] is going to a baseball game with the in-laws.  She's excited to be in town and hopes to see you."
The fog from my doze cleared instantly.
Fuck! It was Stella!
I ignore the msg.   I was done with her.  I refuse to get myself involved with her.   So I ignore the text and go on with my evening.
This evening, I get another text; "She says that the astros aren't doing well.  Can you meet her for drinks after the game?"
What? Is she out of her head?
It took some effort, but I ignored the text.  I don't plan on answering it, but I'm stupid enough to keep it on my phone.  If I had any brains, I'd delete it as soon as I finish this entry.

Finally, Stormcloud.
God bless her, but no.  She calls me up at 4am yesterday.  Instead of a friendly conversation, she starts in on about her financial problems, the problems with her daughter and in-law and such.  I initially was about to offer her some cash (again), until she mentioned a boyfriend.
AWESOME! I'm (hopefully!) FREE!
After listening to about 20 minutes of conversation, as usual, my mood was dropped to the point where even the pope would consider suicide as a form of bliss and would waive the "sin" if I would do it.
On the 8th try, I finally was able to pry a polite way to hang up.


Geeze. I ask again, why don't they just leave me alone and just delete me?

Finally, I have Teaser:
We haven't had a chance to meet, nor have we had even an opportunity to talk on the phone because of our schedules.
Having chatted some more, she seemed more at ease with our potential to date than she had previously.
Since she had discovered my blogs, I tried to spin it as "Hey! you know more of me than most people would when they first meet someone!" and spelled out that she had the advantage.

The more we talked, the more she seemed to enjoy me and I seemed to enjoy her intellect as well and we both agreed that we have a nice mesh of kinks.
I might get more into that, but it made me think that perhaps a list of my kinks might be needed; a "grocery list" if you will.

Ohwell, I think it's time for a nap.

Good byes and hello's?

Having a particularly rough day, I couldn't resist but to send KM a simple text.

"For what it's worth, Happy Mother's day."

My intent was that, I wished to continue our conversation and try to be less harsh to her and see where she wants this go to.

"Nice. You're an idiot."

Okay.  That doesn't say much, so I simply responded:

"That isn't exactly a secret, Y'know."

Nothing since.
For whatever its worth, I think I blew it, but I don't think it was much of a loss.

While just sitting watching TV for another hour or so, my phone buzzed.

Andi.
We talked for a bit, she wanted to know how I was, so I relayed some of the recent (Vanilla) drama in my life and mentioned my previous "Conversation" with KM in the vaguest of terms.
She mentioned she recently had a falling out with a guy she was "seeing" for a bit as well. 
We really didn't cover any new ground, except that she said she'd try harder and, once again, apologized for being such a wishy-washy person.

We hung up on better terms than we did last time, but I'm still apprehensive as to what she has in mind.

I guess its time to put up another ad.

Just a quick one...

Since I've been laid up, I've literally had nothing to do but watch movies, curse my cat, and read blogs.
Hell, I can't even really talk on the phone because of this blasted cough, but I can drive for short periods of time just to get out of this bloody place.

On my other blog, I recently was talking about a blog going away that I'm going to miss, but there has been a close call with another blog. After going through a rough patch with some people associated with, she thought about taking the blog private.  Due to a barrage of comments asking her not to give in, she decided to keep posting like she had done so previously.  It is my hope that this will stem the tide of some very popular blogs that have been going to black in the past few months, among my favorites, which is a shame.


This is an example of why I always tell people to keep the details of their blogs vague enough where people can't pinpoint information about them.  
I happen to live in a large city, and therefore am able to hide more easily, even though I give some details that yet to be seen on any other blogs.  My expectations are that there is enough traffic overall that people won't be able to pin down who is who.

In my last post, I mentioned my fondness of certain movies and what my idealized (maybe totally unrealistic) view of romance.  Well, so happens they are running "The Quiet Man" on TMC on the 17th of March at 8PM EST.
Given this is on St. Patrick's day, everyone should be a bit on the bombed side, so be sure to set up your TiVos or other DVR's. 
I think you ladies might appreciate the movie, though.

On the dating front, I got a nice little offline IM from Andi;
"Haven't heard from you in awhile, how have you been? Call me?"
OMG, is she serious?
After giving it a couple of hours, debating whether or not to reply, I tapped in my message:
"You already know the deal, or haven't you been listening?"

Hopefully she will get the hint, or she simply doesn't want to let go.

Just Hit Delete

My phone is clogged with old friends and current clients.

Occasional I have to delete a number of someone that I just haven't heard from in forever for whatever reason.
Just hit delete, and the person you have will be gone forever....or at least, you hope so.

To hit delete on your contact list means that the person in your life no longer exists.
Used to be that you had their phone number(s), addresses, their Aunt Irma's, or god knows what other info on a Rolodex* or some phone book at home.

Today it's more of a tenuous grip we have on the people we have in our lives, all of our information to our friends is usually contained on our cell phones.  We lose that cell phone and odds are, we will find out who will miss us until we scavenge the numbers again.
Additionally, we also contain quite a few other people on a contact list on our IM's and outlooks.
If our computers are stolen or killed, the same thing occurs.
Who will truly miss before we get our digital lives back together again.


Then there are those that you want out of your life.
You need them out of your life.
The Ex-Husband/Wife/Girlfriend/Boyfriend/Lover.

Hitting delete is a big step of going forward in your life, but some people are afraid to hit delete so we have these numbers on our phones that we never call, hope to one day hear from.
We hope they don't delete us.

Stella: Former fiance, one of my best lovers.  I had to grow up and realize my life with her but we would be living in a contestant world of a Lifetime Movie.  Having finally hit delete a few months ago, but she's proven she rarely hits delete on mine.

GD: An easy delete, no emotional attachment. I deleted haven't heard from since.

Andi:  One of my tougher deletes, took me a bit to move on, now I have to put up with the occasional I miss you Text messages AND IM's.  She obviously doesn't really want to let go.  I'm going to ask her next time I see her to delete me.  I want us to lose our way to each other.

Sharon:  Tried hitting delete, but we now have an "understanding" to what has the potential to be a very toxic (yet fun) relationship.  Meh.

KM:  She called the whole thing off and become "Friends", but what I told her what they might include, she hesitated. I deleted, but I don't think she did.  We'll see.

Each delete means that you're growing that much more.

Yay. Happy Fucking Valentine's Day.




*For those kids that don't know what a rolodex is.

YOU AGAIN?!?

Sitting in the hotel room by myself allows me to mentally prepare for the evening. KM is on the way after a quick shower and shave brief convo:
"You have to remember, I'm a girly girl."
"Well, don't sweat about shaving your legs,we can have romantic cricket sounds as we lay together."
The giggling betrayed the mock anger she had.
"Jerk. I'll be there in about 30 minutes."

It wasn't much of a hotel, but it was handy.
Just as I was about to semi-doze in a blissfully quiet moment; the phone rang.
"Hey sexy."
"Well, hi there! You haven't called me that in a long time!"
ANDI!  My mind snapped awake.
"Hey."
"Busy?" 
"Nah, I have about 20 minutes." Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! I thought she was gone!
She went on about her life and her schedule and then blamed the latest neglect of calling due to her not feeling well.  I barely got in a word in edgewise."
Blah.Blah. Blah.
"Did you think of our last texts and conversations?" As I finally interrupted with the edge on my voice that I hope conveyed my annoyance.
That stopped her cold for about 30 seconds.
"Yes. Quite a bit actually.  I told my mom and some girlfriends about it.  Mom basically was disappointed in me. She and the girls liked you. They don't like my current boyfriend."
I had fans?  Who knew?
Once again, she apologized and said she'd make it better.
"You DO realize that *I* am not calling anymore.  You're the one that needs to make an effort."
"I know."  her voice was quieter now.
We continued with some pleasantries for a bit longer until I heard the knock on the door.
"Gotta go, bye!"
"Can I Ca-"

I open the door and was greeted by one of the warmest hugs I have had in a long while.

So Long Andi...

It's amazing how much of my life is ruled by email or texting.

While running around at work one night last week I get a text msg.

Andi: "Hi. Sorry I haven't called. Been busy."
Me: "so have I."
Andi: "Just wanted to let you know that I miss talking to you, I've been very busy."
Me: "I know. Been thinking about what we discussed last time?"
Andi: "Yes. I want you back in my life, my family asks about you from time to time."
Me:"Well, give my regards."
Andi:"Sorry I didn't call the other night when you said you were available, but I had fallen asleep."
To be fair, the conversation happened at 3 in the morning.
Me:"I figured.  But time has passed."
Silence for 10 minutes.
Andi:"I have to go. My number is __________  Call me?"
Me:"No. You call me. I'm done calling to find you're too busy."

That was the last I heard from her 4 days ago.  It was another tough goodbye.

These are getting to be tiresome.

Cast Of Characters.

Updated 12/15/09

A list of women that I considered, or have, dated over the past couple of years. Latina and Lauren are on the top of the list because they are the ones that I've had more history with and could potentially be more involved in my life. Storm cloud is only mentioned briefly, because dating is not an option. Sharon is only mentioned briefly because she's not on my "dating" radar. Most of the people on my "Hobby" blog, because I don't really intend to have a lasting "dating" relationship. If they make it on my "Dating" blog, then okay.

Yeah, I know. It confuses me too.
It's my blog, deal with it.

Football Fan: She is a woman about 5 years my junior. Led a bit of a kinky lifestyle as well and had an incredible"first meeting." We've recently started talking about kids, she wants another, but is perfectly fine with my being done with kids. So far we seemed to fit quite well, there are a few minor issues and bumps, but so far everything is good. Got to meet the kids and it wasn't too telling so far. But that's the next step.

Teaser: Met and went on a date in just over a week, but considering the circumstances, I don't know if we can do a date thing. She stated that she had been in the lifestyle previously, but wasn't inclined on going down that road, but she did seem to be slightly interested in my hobby. She seems very bright and you can tell there is a sexual side of her that made me drool a bit when we first met and I'm looking forward to our next date. I'm not just typing this because she might be reading it. In the end, I don't think anything is going to come out of it, so I'm just going to let it simmer. We still talk occasionally, though.

Andi: Lady friend that I had been seeing for about two years, but for some reason, dropped me like a hot potato during a trip. It sucked hard. She never knew of my Hobby, and after our last big blow up, she has been rather persistent in contacting me, but our "vibe" never came back and wasn't interesting in contacting her again so I tried scare her off, only to find out it's something she wants to do. She hints that I shouldn't give up on her, but since Teaser isn't a sure thing, I'm keeping my options open. For now.

Latina: Nice girl, we got along quite well politically, but she had weird opinions on moon landings and such. After a couple of days of losing contact with each other, I figured I'd just pull the plug.

KM: Were "semi-dating" we liked each other, but the scheduling really isn't conducive for a typical relationship. The challenges at the beginning of our dating was unreal, but I REALLY liked her, since she is fresh out of a divorce, she doesn't seem to handle the dating scene. We got our issues resolved for the most part, we seem to enjoy sex with each other, but still quite a road to travel. We have talked since that episode, so we're still cool. It's done. She couldn't handle the fact that she didn't "desire" to see me, particularly with her busy schedule. So, for now we're "Friends", she doesn't want a casual sexual relationship, so for now on...I am no longer calling her. It's over, at least that's what I keep telling myself. Unfortunately, I still find myself near where she lives and works, so I have to fight the urge to tell her that I miss her. She tried contacting me again recently, but I think I totally screwed it up to the point where I probably will never hear from her again.

Lauren: We got along well and turns out we have a few things we have in common. We fit fairly well, except for our schedules, but in the end, another person she was dating was starting to turn a bit serious, so she decided to call it off.


Stella: Someone that I dated in the past. Always bailed her out of whatever mess she wound up in. Her ability to make crucial life decisions was incredibly deficient. Since she called again recently, she's been suffering with medical issues which were a direct result of her not following my advice. We lost contact with each other, but every couple of years she manages to find me. It's tormenting to hear her, I know she needs me, but I can't always be there to bail her out when she makes shitty decisions. Haven't heard from her since the last post I mentioned her in. I hope it stays that way, but I will always Love and miss her. She tried contacting me recently when her daughter came into town, but I never returned her texts.

Sharon: Initially she was the Married Anonymous Psycho (she still is psycho, but not anonymous...to me), who apparently likes to be roughed up and forced. She's Batshit crazy. Period. Dating isn't an option for this one and since has left town because of a divorce.

Storm Cloud: Is someone I have been "seeing" off and on for at last 15 years. We used to date, but came with some really wild luggage. We maintained our sexual relationship (a bit) during her Marriage. Currently I'm HER booty call. It's nice to know I have one talent she enjoys. I believe she FINALLY moved in with her boyfriend and that means we probably won't see each other again. Believe it or not, it's a bit of a relief.

KS: A perspective person for dating who happens to also enjoy my hobby. Didn't work out, apparently, she thought I was skeezy or something. whatever.


Lumens: Someone that was originally on the OTHER blog, but we might actually start dating, but I'm not entirely sure. She has a slim build and is attractive, but ordinarily not my type as far as personality goes. But I'm willing to give her a fair shot. Who knows, I could be surprised! She wasn't for me, but she will be more involved in my other blog as I ramp up more parties. Has pretty much dropped off the face of the earth after getting a new job and boyfriend.

GD: "Psychic chick" is what her moniker should have been. Totally sweet person, but she had too much in her life going on, plus she was also moving into another drama filled episode of her life. I wish her well, I really do.

S: Was dating material, but after the party, she went a little insane. Later did I find out that she was like super hard core left wing. We're talking Hanging out with Cindy Sheehan, nuts. Left me a 4 page hate letter with several bullet points because I didn't call her enough. She was intense AND crazy. Pity she was my kind of kinky.

Anonymous One: This is going to make me sound bad. But I REALLY don't remember her name. I liked her, but the distance was too great and eventually blew it off. She understood and only talked once or twice after this adventure.

The Blow Up.

Coming back to my house from some much needed pissed off sex, I threw down the rest of my clothes, get undressed and start typing away while it's still fresh.
Its not the kind of sex I usually take in, but apparently it was something we both needed, and to be honest, it was an improvement from our first meeting and satisfying.
After typing everything up, I was about to hit "publish" when the mystery ID came up.
With great trepidation I forced my fingers to act:

"Who are you?"
"Andi, Silly." Oh shit!
"Hi."  Thrilled. can't you tell I'm thrilled? Look! I'm thrilled!
"Merry Christmas" she cheerfully typed.
"Yeah. Merry Christmas." was all I could manage.
"Let me call you in a few, I'm just leaving a bar."
"Okay. whatever."
I published my blog entry before I could get distracted. I had a feeling this was going to be hairy.
The phone rang and I looked at it like it was a snake.
we talked fora few minutes.
Or rather,she talked.   About her life.Her school, her new boyfriend.
Just like old times.  Never could get a word in edgewise.
She eventually got around to asking about me and my life.
I don't know what triggered it, but my first words were:
"How can you talk to me so nonchalantly after you crushed me?"
Dead silence.
"Do you realize how pissed off at you I was?"
Silence.
"Was it perhaps that I never attempted to call you after our last date gave you a clue?"
"I-I...I know.   I'm sorry.  I feel terrible about it.  It was a bad decision."
"NO!  It's BEYOND poor decision."
I tore at her for a good hour.
Every time she tried to make an excuse, I tore into her again.
A year of frustration came in torrents.
"I don't know what to say but 'Sorry!'"
"Well, nice to know our time together meant nothing."
She was on the verge of tears.
"When I arrived on the plane, I was ready to commit myself to for life.  2 hours later it was crushed."
"I regretted that.  I've played it over in my mind quite a bit."
"Nice of you to call up and tell me about that regret after you were thinking about it."
Silence.
"You can either salvage or throw it away.  Call me on which you decide.  I don't have your number.  I'm deleting your ID, I got nothing from you. it's in your court."
What the hell did I just say???
What? What did I just say??
Aw Fuck!
"okay...I do regret it."
"Well, call when you mean it."
*CLICK!*

Yay. Merry Christmas.

KS is no more, KM continues, and another old flame....

Well, I haven't heard from KS since the night of the party.  I did some initial texting, but I just gave up.  If you can't even answer a simple text, there is no point in pursuing it anymore.. Seems like I'm too "Skeezy" for her after all.
Pity.  We could have had quite a bit of fun together.

KM has been texting me a bit more and has been apologetic and grateful that I'm "waiting" for her while she puts her priority on her work to get re-established in her career. 
Don't really think I'm "waiting" for her, but I'm keeping my options open until she has "time" to date.  I know we both have insane schedules, but I wouldn't mind seeing her once a week or so and have a dinner and movie date.
I'll be there for her once she has time to date if I'm still available, but I'm not waiting.  In the meantime, I'm wishing her luck in her goals, particularly if I'm one of them.

Meanwhile earlier a couple of weeks ago, I reach over to my phone and realize I got a text from a girl ("Andi") whom I really liked, but in the midst of a date, she decided she only liked me as a "friend."   Considering she was in another city, I cut of all ties.  There wasn't any point in my spending tons of time on a person who is only going to be a "friend" when I want so much more.   So after I boarded the plane, I didn't text, didn't call. Nothing.
I worked hard for this "relationship" and if she was serious, she needed to contact me.
Nothing in almost a full year.
After a few minutes, I received a call and she wanted to know if I came through the hurricane alright.  I appreciated that I was still in her thought and I was cordial, but it took all my emotional strength to keep from asking "Why didn't you call?  Did I mean so little to you?  From 4 hour phone calls to NOTHING in a day?!?"
I wanted to ask so may questions, but the distance and time past was too great.
Once again, my heart was breaking the longer I talked to her.
Eventually she stopped answering my calls and texts.
Fuck you.
I was close to falling in love and looked forward to a life together.
We were compatible in almost every way.
No.  Fuck you!

Once again, I deleted her number from my phone log, text messages, and any evidence in my life of her.

Last Wednesday, I got a approval request on one of my IM's and accepted it assuming it was someone I was expecting.
Suddenly a few days later I realize that perhaps it MIGHT be her. the profile gave me no information and to my horror I saw it sign in.  But the name was just enough that it gave clues that it was her.
FUCK!
Why can't they just LEAVE??