Just Hit Delete

My phone is clogged with old friends and current clients.

Occasional I have to delete a number of someone that I just haven't heard from in forever for whatever reason.
Just hit delete, and the person you have will be gone forever....or at least, you hope so.

To hit delete on your contact list means that the person in your life no longer exists.
Used to be that you had their phone number(s), addresses, their Aunt Irma's, or god knows what other info on a Rolodex* or some phone book at home.

Today it's more of a tenuous grip we have on the people we have in our lives, all of our information to our friends is usually contained on our cell phones.  We lose that cell phone and odds are, we will find out who will miss us until we scavenge the numbers again.
Additionally, we also contain quite a few other people on a contact list on our IM's and outlooks.
If our computers are stolen or killed, the same thing occurs.
Who will truly miss before we get our digital lives back together again.


Then there are those that you want out of your life.
You need them out of your life.
The Ex-Husband/Wife/Girlfriend/Boyfriend/Lover.

Hitting delete is a big step of going forward in your life, but some people are afraid to hit delete so we have these numbers on our phones that we never call, hope to one day hear from.
We hope they don't delete us.

Stella: Former fiance, one of my best lovers.  I had to grow up and realize my life with her but we would be living in a contestant world of a Lifetime Movie.  Having finally hit delete a few months ago, but she's proven she rarely hits delete on mine.

GD: An easy delete, no emotional attachment. I deleted haven't heard from since.

Andi:  One of my tougher deletes, took me a bit to move on, now I have to put up with the occasional I miss you Text messages AND IM's.  She obviously doesn't really want to let go.  I'm going to ask her next time I see her to delete me.  I want us to lose our way to each other.

Sharon:  Tried hitting delete, but we now have an "understanding" to what has the potential to be a very toxic (yet fun) relationship.  Meh.

KM:  She called the whole thing off and become "Friends", but what I told her what they might include, she hesitated. I deleted, but I don't think she did.  We'll see.

Each delete means that you're growing that much more.

Yay. Happy Fucking Valentine's Day.




*For those kids that don't know what a rolodex is.

Cast Of Characters.

Updated 12/15/09

A list of women that I considered, or have, dated over the past couple of years. Latina and Lauren are on the top of the list because they are the ones that I've had more history with and could potentially be more involved in my life. Storm cloud is only mentioned briefly, because dating is not an option. Sharon is only mentioned briefly because she's not on my "dating" radar. Most of the people on my "Hobby" blog, because I don't really intend to have a lasting "dating" relationship. If they make it on my "Dating" blog, then okay.

Yeah, I know. It confuses me too.
It's my blog, deal with it.

Football Fan: She is a woman about 5 years my junior. Led a bit of a kinky lifestyle as well and had an incredible"first meeting." We've recently started talking about kids, she wants another, but is perfectly fine with my being done with kids. So far we seemed to fit quite well, there are a few minor issues and bumps, but so far everything is good. Got to meet the kids and it wasn't too telling so far. But that's the next step.

Teaser: Met and went on a date in just over a week, but considering the circumstances, I don't know if we can do a date thing. She stated that she had been in the lifestyle previously, but wasn't inclined on going down that road, but she did seem to be slightly interested in my hobby. She seems very bright and you can tell there is a sexual side of her that made me drool a bit when we first met and I'm looking forward to our next date. I'm not just typing this because she might be reading it. In the end, I don't think anything is going to come out of it, so I'm just going to let it simmer. We still talk occasionally, though.

Andi: Lady friend that I had been seeing for about two years, but for some reason, dropped me like a hot potato during a trip. It sucked hard. She never knew of my Hobby, and after our last big blow up, she has been rather persistent in contacting me, but our "vibe" never came back and wasn't interesting in contacting her again so I tried scare her off, only to find out it's something she wants to do. She hints that I shouldn't give up on her, but since Teaser isn't a sure thing, I'm keeping my options open. For now.

Latina: Nice girl, we got along quite well politically, but she had weird opinions on moon landings and such. After a couple of days of losing contact with each other, I figured I'd just pull the plug.

KM: Were "semi-dating" we liked each other, but the scheduling really isn't conducive for a typical relationship. The challenges at the beginning of our dating was unreal, but I REALLY liked her, since she is fresh out of a divorce, she doesn't seem to handle the dating scene. We got our issues resolved for the most part, we seem to enjoy sex with each other, but still quite a road to travel. We have talked since that episode, so we're still cool. It's done. She couldn't handle the fact that she didn't "desire" to see me, particularly with her busy schedule. So, for now we're "Friends", she doesn't want a casual sexual relationship, so for now on...I am no longer calling her. It's over, at least that's what I keep telling myself. Unfortunately, I still find myself near where she lives and works, so I have to fight the urge to tell her that I miss her. She tried contacting me again recently, but I think I totally screwed it up to the point where I probably will never hear from her again.

Lauren: We got along well and turns out we have a few things we have in common. We fit fairly well, except for our schedules, but in the end, another person she was dating was starting to turn a bit serious, so she decided to call it off.


Stella: Someone that I dated in the past. Always bailed her out of whatever mess she wound up in. Her ability to make crucial life decisions was incredibly deficient. Since she called again recently, she's been suffering with medical issues which were a direct result of her not following my advice. We lost contact with each other, but every couple of years she manages to find me. It's tormenting to hear her, I know she needs me, but I can't always be there to bail her out when she makes shitty decisions. Haven't heard from her since the last post I mentioned her in. I hope it stays that way, but I will always Love and miss her. She tried contacting me recently when her daughter came into town, but I never returned her texts.

Sharon: Initially she was the Married Anonymous Psycho (she still is psycho, but not anonymous...to me), who apparently likes to be roughed up and forced. She's Batshit crazy. Period. Dating isn't an option for this one and since has left town because of a divorce.

Storm Cloud: Is someone I have been "seeing" off and on for at last 15 years. We used to date, but came with some really wild luggage. We maintained our sexual relationship (a bit) during her Marriage. Currently I'm HER booty call. It's nice to know I have one talent she enjoys. I believe she FINALLY moved in with her boyfriend and that means we probably won't see each other again. Believe it or not, it's a bit of a relief.

KS: A perspective person for dating who happens to also enjoy my hobby. Didn't work out, apparently, she thought I was skeezy or something. whatever.


Lumens: Someone that was originally on the OTHER blog, but we might actually start dating, but I'm not entirely sure. She has a slim build and is attractive, but ordinarily not my type as far as personality goes. But I'm willing to give her a fair shot. Who knows, I could be surprised! She wasn't for me, but she will be more involved in my other blog as I ramp up more parties. Has pretty much dropped off the face of the earth after getting a new job and boyfriend.

GD: "Psychic chick" is what her moniker should have been. Totally sweet person, but she had too much in her life going on, plus she was also moving into another drama filled episode of her life. I wish her well, I really do.

S: Was dating material, but after the party, she went a little insane. Later did I find out that she was like super hard core left wing. We're talking Hanging out with Cindy Sheehan, nuts. Left me a 4 page hate letter with several bullet points because I didn't call her enough. She was intense AND crazy. Pity she was my kind of kinky.

Anonymous One: This is going to make me sound bad. But I REALLY don't remember her name. I liked her, but the distance was too great and eventually blew it off. She understood and only talked once or twice after this adventure.

How do they find me??

The psychic (GD) sent me an email today.
As soon as I saw it I had a feeling of total dread.
She apologized for not writing, but she STILL had no electricity in her home(!). That it would be much easier to talk to her on the phone.

Okay. IKE was...what? Back in Oct?
I read the rest of the letter and my heart sinks further.

"By the way, I don't suppose you know an electrician who would do a favor for a poor little "crazy new age minister?"
WTF?

I dealt with a cold fish last night, now I'm supposed to be dealing with a poor psychic girl?
I'll give her a call tonight and see how that is going to go. I am NOT sleeping with this one.
No.
I mean it this time.

The Quest continues...Flakes and Frustrations

I know I have been neglectful of this page, but I've had little time to devote to it.

After my last Post, KM called and apologized profusely. She had some sort of breakdown from a previous relationship that she apparently isn't over yet.
We had a long discussion about it and I was cool about just taking it slow and her to contact with me. She was also in the middle of a job hunt at the time and things went along well. We never had a chance to have another date, but we talked on the phone a bit.
Then things went silent. She was stolen by another job and trying to make it work and haven't heard from her since. There were no replies for the past couple of weeks.
It's a pity, I was getting to be rather fond of her, but I guess it wasn't meant to be.

GD was interesting for about....3 emails. I was thinking of actually giving her a call when I realized a week or so has passed without a reply to my email. Well, I don't think our emails were particularly amazing, and perhaps I WAS a bit prejudiced against what she did, but I didn't see it as a great loss.
Annoying, but whatever. BYE!

I saw an ad on CL that caught my eye and I REALLY wanted a response from (VIC). I spent a total of about 5 hours throughout the day writing, rewriting, condensing, expanding, etc.

Yes. 5 hours. We came from the same basic background and said quite a few things that touched me. Thank god for my G1 Phone where I can readily edit and save my drafts. After all that I was about to hit "send" when I realized I didn't include a picture.
I'm not a picture person. My photos always suck. The latest that I had was of me in New York a few months ago (the previous picture being a VERY unflattering 9 months ago) and sent it on its way.

I got a "WOW!" and it was a lengthy response. Good sign. I got excited as she raved over my letter, but one sentence buried in the 2nd paragraph stopped me cold: "...I was impressed what you wrote not liking the pic but whatever."
Now I think I'm totally over thinking this. Did she LIKE the fact I was hating my own pic, or was she mentioning that she didn't like the pic? I haven't responded yet (planning on monday), to think this over. Besides, I can play it off as a busy weekend (true).

Vowing not to just put all my eggs in one basket, I put out another ad in case this totally collapses. I put an ad that I would hope catch a woman with my basic sexual tastes.
Almost immediately, I got a nibble. we started off great, she was a very attracted girl, but seems like the feeling wasn't mutual.

Does anyone find it extremely ironic that I can easily pick up people and talk them into an orgy, but I have problems just getting one to join me for a simple dinner?

I've said it before, but Dating sucks.

A couple of little nibbles....

Well, I sent out a bold post on CL on my quest of trying to find some permanent happiness (or depression, depending on how you look at it.) and got a couple of responses. One was a girl named "V" which seems interesting, but hasn't answered my response back to her, so I have a feeling I can write her off.

The Other is "GD". Seems to be some sort of spiritual guru or something, what particularly caught my attention is that she sent her number along with the email. Her initial email was a good light banter that seemed quite....refreshing. I did respond that I would rather write for awhile before I would call, but thanked her for offering.

My only concern is this spiritual/psychic stuff that she is part of. Is not that I disbelieve or have a prejudice against it. It's just the fact that I've dated people along with those beliefs and they are highly flaky. The GOOD part of it is that they're VERY kinky.

"KM" hasn't called or Texted in a number of days, so I'm going to assume I'm off her radar. I am going to send one more text to see how she is and ask if I should consider this a kissoff, to be sure.

We men are bad at figuring out what women think/intend.

It all just leads back to how stupid men are.