STUPID, STUPID, STUPID ME!

Looking at my phone, I saw the subject matter of the latest email:

Lauren wants to connect to you on Yahoo!

WTF?
I reread the title several times.
In fact, I may have done it at least 10 times before I finally opened the email.

It was a typical "Let's connect on Yahoo."
Sitting on the email for a few hours, I accepted the "Invitation" and waited, but being an impatient person, I decided to send her a message:

Hey there,
How're you doing?  Is everything okay with you?
Was a bit surprised about the invitation.

I mean, even though she broke off our dating suddenly, I wished her no malice.

Several hours later, while nodding off at an awards dinner my phone was buzzing.
Praying it was an alien polite enough to abduct me from my current circle of hell, or perhaps even the Grim Reaper offering to take me out of my suffering; instead I receive the following:

I'm good, how are you?
What invitation?

Aw shit!  I had forwarded the original "invitation" while before taking another stab at what is supposed to be chicken on my plate.
I explain the situation to Starfish, when she came up a plausible story:


Could it be that she just signed up for yahoo and it automatically sent out the "invitation."



It has been a number of years since I signed up, so I couldn't come up with an alternative theory. Now, I'm dealing with a door I accidently opened that should have remained closed.

STUPID!  I should have just ignored it!

Additionally:  I haven't had any takers on my latest ad and no new takers, which is just as well.  Being busy with the party and all, plus some other drama in my life and job, I just don't have time for any real dating for the next couple of weeks at least.


I think I need to take another couple of weeks off and go on a bender for a bit. 

So Long Lauren

Struggling to wake up, I automatically reached for my phone for any messages, and as usual, I had some.
Rolling over to read the various text and email messages, I noticed Lauren sent an email.
She usually sends me some snarky remark relating to something happening in my life.
It wasn't something I was expecting:

Essentially, she has been dating someone else before we had met and it has recently took a more serious turn and she wanted to see it go.  I had suspected she was dating someone else, but that didn't bother me; we weren't serious at the time and it wasn't an issue.  However, I am feeling a bit sore at myself for not making more of an effort to see her, but despite her being relatively close to me, our schedules were against us.  This added to my not having much vested emotionally to her, or rather, each other.

After some thought, I sent her the following: 
Look, don't worry about it.  I am ok with it since our schedules and everything wasn't really falling in place and didn't think it was very fair to you either.
I do wish you the best with your education and career, as well as your relationship.

Obviously there is a bit more to that, but I also included an invitation to a party if she is interested in.

Oh well, it was fun, now that I feel better (Finally!), I'm going to repost the ad I put up earlier this year.

My Fantasy, My Wish, My Happily Ever After...IDEALLY

Earlier in the evening, I had a nice casual date with Lauren at a nice little TGIF's (Ew).  She had some personal problems over the past weekend and we talked about it a great deal before we got to talking about things in general.   Just like with Katy, it was a nice casual talk about nothing.  She noted that I didn't look like my mutual self and asked if I had fully recovered, a coughing fit a few seconds later answered her question.
It was a good dinner and I think we needed it to establish whether or not our rapport was genuine. I'm still trying to make up my mind about it.  Making a mental note, I need to try to go out with her more to see if there is a connection there.

Bear with me, I'm all hopped up on Nyquil and Cough Syrup on only a few hours of sleep and if this post makes absolutely no sense, don't worry, I'll edit it when I'm sober-ish.

I'm sitting up emptying out my TiVo of all the programs that have been piling up in the past.  The only things that are on are a few movies that I like watching over and over whitch are VERY idealized romantic movies called, "The Quiet Man" and "The American President."
In fact, right now I'm watching "The Quiet Man" and I get a bit wispy watching it.
Yes.
Me.
The guy who has been a single guy forever who, up until recently, didn't think anything about one night stands.
Fact is, that the two movies are the way I want my IDEALIZED relationship to be.
TQM in particular strikes a chord, for the few girls that haven't discovered the movie, it basically deals with a man (John Wayne) coming back to his roots and falls in love with a traditional girl and hell insues as he tries to make sense of traditions and the silliness he sees on courtship.
God damnit, I WANT the silliness.
Without giving too much away, I am a bit of a traditionalist in some things.  I want someone with the same (general) common background.
No, I don't want a happy house wife; I want a partner. 
I want a woman who I will gladly fight for, and a woman who will not only fight FOR me, but fight against my own stupidity.
Yes. I acknowledge the fact that we men, have a tendency to be more than a little stupid at times.
The way I see it, our spouses are supposed to bring out the best in the people they share their life with.

Okay, so sometimes we may do it kicking as screaming, but in the end, we generally need it.

Well, maybe I'm just talking about myself, but you may nod silently to yourself and I won't tell.


The thing is that I want a woman that has the same basic traditions that I do; who won't bend over to my will and stand up to me when its needed.

Thing is, I thought I came fairly close to that a few times and I was hoping I struck gold recently, but it wasn't meant to be.
To add to being "traditional" as far as a relationship or marriage goes, IDEALLY she would like some of my interests as well.
I know I've discussed this in a previous post, but it still bugs me on what I TRULY want in a relationship and which would win out the most?
If looking for both qualities in a woman, would that lead me on a chase for the Holy Grail that I may never find?  Would it be enough for me to only find half of what I'm looking for to give up looking for either that "Traditional" girl or "Nympho?"

It just makes me wonder.

Excuse me, I have to go ponder sobering up before I go to sleep.

2nd Date with Lauren....

I like watching the Academy Awards.
Yes. I'm that guy. Shut up.
Preferring to watch it with someone, I asked Lauren if she was willing to watch it with me, to which she readily agreed.
Meeting up at 6pm and after I get introduced to her dog we settle down, watch some TV, and we BS about the movies that are up and such.
The evening is fairly uneventful; aside from occasional smooch we pretty much behaved ourselves.

All that went out the window shortly after the award for Best Sound Editing, though.
I started with a series of smooches, nipple teases, and neck nibbles.
She retaliated with a series of kisses of her own and a teasing of my cock.
After a heated session, I simply said that I wanted to give her a rimjob and I wanted to do it now.  Her reaction was instant with her grabbing my hand and dragging me to her bedroom.
She stopped in front of the bed, dropped and stepped out of her pants. Moving behind her, I simply bent her over and proceeded slowly lick around her asshole for a couple of minutes as her moans were increasing in volume and frequency.  Finally taking the plunge, I shoved my tongue into her ass as I fingered her clit.
This continued for a bit until she had a very loud orgasm. It was later that she told me she had three during that session.
We continued a fairly intense sex session until I had an orgasm in her mouth...

Session one was fun, but the conversation we had during the 2nd session was more than interesting.

The Date that wasn't......I think

The day started with VD kickin' my ass.
Having worked over 20 hours over a two day span, I was exhausted when my eyelids pried themselves open on Sunday morning.  I had a ton of crap to do before my date and I needed every bit of caffeine I could muster to even maintain a state of semi-consciousness.
Having gone to my "beautician", she hates being called a "Barber."  She was someone I went on a couple of dates with, but instead I go to her to cut my hair. We don't talk much, but as long as she cuts my hair fine, I'll be more loyal to her than any other person on the planet.
Yeah. Some men are that way.  We're stupid.
As the time draws near, I find myself across town when I get the email that she isn't feeling that great and was wondering if we could postpone it a couple of hours. to about 6pm.
No biggie...
I continue in my zombie-like state of chores and go to a Circuit City near our meeting place when I got the call of "I can't do it" from her.
She gave me the TMI of what is ailing her and I just told her it's no big deal.
To be honest, I was quite relieved and immediately went to the parking lot to nap.
Yes. I was THAT tired.
An hour later, being startled awaked by a nearby car alarm, I went to have a ravenous dinner at a nearby BW3's and on my way home when I got a call from Lauren.

"Hey cutie."
"Hey yourself, how're you feeling?"
"Better now, are you up for a dinner now? My treat."
"Sure, we can hang, but I just ate something, so I'll just nosh on something."
"give me 15 minutes and here is my address."
The email reaches my phone seconds later.
"Got it, be there in 30 minutes."

Later walking to her apartment, I'm greeted at the door with a hug and immediately walks out.
"I'm sorry, I haven't eaten all day and I'm famished."

We head over to a chain steakhouse and we chit chat about the day.
She asks some rather pointed questions about me and I answer honestly and I recieve a great vibes from her reactions.
When she inquires why I'm not as inquisitive about her, my response startles her;
"That won't change who you are if things work out, doesn't it?  Besides, we have time."
It's true that I don't want to find out EVERYTHING about a person on a first date.
To appease her a bit I asked her if she was a Psycho, a Serial Killer, or a crazy chick.
Much to my relief, she took it as the humor it was intended and let the matter drop as we continued talking about the crappy weekend.
Things felt good and the talk came easy.
Awesome.
We went back to her place and talked a bit more.
She was showing all the signs that she was comfortable with me.
Touching and rubbing my arm, head gestures, tentative handholding.
Reaching over for a light kiss, it turned out to a long smooching session.
The back of mind was gently reminded me of my chaste commitment.
I told the back of my mind to go back to controling my heart rate or something.
When her hand wandered over to rubbing my cock, all bets were off and our smooching turned into a full out make out session resulting in bites on the back of her neck, which she found VERY appealing.
Having discovered one of her breasts made it out of her blouse (Oops!) I nibbled and bit with a note of approval, particularly when she said she was about to orgasm as I continued my biting and nibbling.
After her orgasm subsided, she did something unexpected.
She brought out my cock proceeded to give me a lovely blowjob that resulted in an orgasm a few short minutes later.
We composed ourselves afterwards and continued to talk until midnight when it was decided that SHE needed to get some sleep.
She gave me a warm kiss goodnight and I turned around back to my car with a light spring on my step.

Sure, my life has no drama...

On my way to work yesterday evening, I needed to go ahead and push forward with meeting Lauren to see what kind of chemistry is there before deciding to put up another ad or not.
Giving her a quick call, we have some social niceties before I just cut to the chase and ask her if she wants to go to a movie and dinner on Sunday.
She quickly accepts, but I can tell there was something she wanted to ask, but chose not to continue.

We talk about a movie, she approves, and then I promise we'll talk about firming up the time as the day draw near.

Yeah. I know. I'm such a romantic.
Shut up.

As my day progresses, I get a text.
Hmm....gee..who sends texts....
KM!
Yeah, I'm surprised too. Here's the entire conversation, of which I can't figure out what she's trying to say:

KM: "What are you up to?"
Me: "Not much."
KM: "Working?"
Me: "Sorta. You?" Translation: "Cut to the chase. You dropped me."
KM: "On my porch reflecting. Letting you go was difficult."
Me: "Ok. I didn't expect to hear from you this quickly." Which I didn't. Ever.
KM: "I am sorry."
Me: "About what?"
KM: "Everything."
Me: "Oh. Okay."
20 minute pause.
Me: "I guess that was all then."

WTF what all that about? Can a woman translate that for me? Am I over-thinking this? What really made it awkward was the fact that I just happen to be 4 blocks away when the texting started.  It was hard not to turn the car around.

I know this goes onto my OTHER blog, but it just shows how weird my dating/other life, is sometimes.

Katy:  "Hey.  Really enjoyed the other morning."
Me:    "So did I.  Look forward to it again."
Katy:  "When is a party? I want about 6 guys."
Me:    "Okay. March?"
Katy:  "That would be awesome."

Now to get a party organized too..

No date, but a talk...

I was almost dead asleep at 2pm when I got a call from Lauren; she has to postpone. The bug that has been nagging her for a month has her feeling pretty crappy.
Considering I stayed up a bit later than usual, I slept until 4pm, so I was more than a little relieved.

Enjoying my bit of bliss was disturbed when my phone went off...KM!

"Hi baby!"
"Hey. Are you working today?"
uh-oh...I don't like that tone and she went on to explain her rough day to the point where she was free this evening. She didn't have that "smile" that I hear over the phone.
"Uh...no." Uh...YEAH! I gotta finish my damned laundry, but I wasn't going to give her an excuse.
"Okay, can we meet to talk tonight?" Inwardly I groan. The TALK, but I don't stress out about it.
"Sure when and where?"
"How about the usual place, when is a good time for you."
"Are we going to have THAT talk?"
"I don't know, depends on how you take it after we're through."
"Okay, Give me two hours so I ca-"
"Two Hours?" Genuinely surprised.
"Yeah, I just woke up. give me a bit to shower and shave." Not to mention dealing with the hell that is traffic at this time.
"So, 7:30?"
"No, 6:30 or 7, I fig-"
"So which? 6:30 or 7?"
"6:30" She was starting to get on my nerves, "What is this about?"
"Something I didn't want to talk about in Text or over the phone."
What a NOVEL idea!
"See you there" and hang up the phone."

I'll update a bit later tonight.

It's 12:30 am, do you know where your date is?

Well, once again, work gets in the way of my date with KM on Tuesday, Friday, and Last night (Sunday) . Good thing we're not DATING.

Now, to be fair, MY work kinda' interfered with it, but that was on Tuesday.
Whatever.

I guess because I told her I was doing 10 LOADS, she just assumed I was probably too busy to be bothered with a smooching session with her.
Oh yeah, laundry.
I just got a hard on for it.

On a side note, she confessed she fingered herself silly to my text message a few days ago.

Anyway, back at the ranch...

At about 12:30am, I got a TEXT from Lauren.
A TEXT!
Doesn't anyone believe in talking anymore?

"We didn't make a date. :-("
"How about tomorrow?"
"Cool. Red Lobster? 4:30?"
"I'm SO there."

Red Lobster?? I guess it's about as good as a place for a first date as any.

But RED LOBSTER?!?

Whatever. Well, at least it will prove to be an interesting date.

HURRY KM! Your ship is sailing!

Pleased to meet you. Why yes, I would love to lick your asshole.

*bzz*
I don't hear you!
*bzz*
Turning over I ignore the CL phone.
*bzz-
Good they gave up.  Damn "Car warranty" people.
Settling in trying to get back to some solid sleep.
*DING!*
WTF? They left a msg?
That finally caught my attention.
Grabbing the offending phone, it rings again.
It's Lauren!  I haven't heard from her in several days and didn't think much of it.
"Hey sweetie!  Sorry I haven't called, phone has been acting up. This is my private number to the office if you want to talk to me."
Ooo....I feel special.
It's obvious that I'm still a bit sleepy because I'm still slurring some of my words, but I was trying to shake myself awake.
"By the way...What is the party about you mentioned on your Voicemail Message?"
"Uhh...."  I couldn't think of a plausible excuse.
FUCK! I forgot to change the message since last party! Might as well be honest about it, if we go forward, she might know about it and something tells me she's not exactly a nun.
I confess to some of it, but only tell her a bit, she doesn't have to know all.
We continue to talk for a bit until I finally asked if she wanted to meet tonight for coffee after work.
"SURE!"  You can't get more enthusiastic than that.
"It's a date!"
"Wait!  I am still recovering from a cold, I don't really wanna give it to you."
"Don't worry, it'll give you an excuse for me not to give you a peck on the cheek."
This was greeted with laughter.

Forwarding a couple of hours, I meet her in a nearby suburb of town not too far away.
After walking in, I spotted her.
Mid 40's, curvy, pleasantly plump, woman, that looked quite serious into the book she was reading.
She spotted me as I was walking toward her and her face changed into one of warmth and welcome.
We sat down and talked for awhile about a variety of things, including our mutual love for TIVO and the people we have met.

Towards the end of the conversation, she wanted to know more about the parties, as she saw me stuttering, she interrupted me.  "Just say it, I'm not a virgin, you know I'm submissive, do you REALLY think you're going to say anything new to me?"
She had a point. So I continued and she was quite fascinated by it and went on to other topics.
Somehow, the conversation started its way down to sex, and I let her know I LOVE to give rimsjobs.
Her eyes glazed over, "I LOVE those."
Oh god. Here comes trouble.
I decide that it was time I need to get to work.
Walking her outside, I shake her hand, hug her, and walk off.
I felt good about this, we have chemistry.

Climbing into my car, I receive a text from her before I even start the car.
"You know, you didn't even try to kiss me. I'm hurt. Not interested?"
I smile and give her a call back and explain to her I want to be as chaste as possible.
Yeah, sounds like total bullshit, but its true.
At least, I'm going to try to convince myself that.

"So you don't find me attractive?"
Oh good lord!
In my "sexy announcer" voice, I respond:
"Oh yeah! I'd do you in a heartbeat, baby! I'd lick that asshole of yours in an instant."
Gales of laughter was coming from the phone.
"Happy?"
"Yes.  Goodnight!"

Yeah, she's going to be interesting.

On a side note:
I talked to KM.   We have a date for Tonight, I think she's feeling a bit randy.

Lauren

Lauren is one of the ones that answered my ad, and have been sporadically emailing each other for quite some time.
One thing that she mentioned in her initial email is her fondness of being submissive and likes that type of play.
Now that my initial hesitation on getting into the lifestyle was made, I must also state that it is important the different kinds.   Before I would dismiss it outright, I wanted to know what the kinks were, but she felt (rightly so) that such things would not be in her best interest to discuss about initially.

Unfortunately, our schedules aren't very conducive to meeting, her taking night school as well as a full time job.  But I have enough respect for her ethic for me to at least see if I can keep her as a friend.
Really.
Platonic.
I mean that.

Cast Of Characters.

Updated 12/15/09

A list of women that I considered, or have, dated over the past couple of years. Latina and Lauren are on the top of the list because they are the ones that I've had more history with and could potentially be more involved in my life. Storm cloud is only mentioned briefly, because dating is not an option. Sharon is only mentioned briefly because she's not on my "dating" radar. Most of the people on my "Hobby" blog, because I don't really intend to have a lasting "dating" relationship. If they make it on my "Dating" blog, then okay.

Yeah, I know. It confuses me too.
It's my blog, deal with it.

Football Fan: She is a woman about 5 years my junior. Led a bit of a kinky lifestyle as well and had an incredible"first meeting." We've recently started talking about kids, she wants another, but is perfectly fine with my being done with kids. So far we seemed to fit quite well, there are a few minor issues and bumps, but so far everything is good. Got to meet the kids and it wasn't too telling so far. But that's the next step.

Teaser: Met and went on a date in just over a week, but considering the circumstances, I don't know if we can do a date thing. She stated that she had been in the lifestyle previously, but wasn't inclined on going down that road, but she did seem to be slightly interested in my hobby. She seems very bright and you can tell there is a sexual side of her that made me drool a bit when we first met and I'm looking forward to our next date. I'm not just typing this because she might be reading it. In the end, I don't think anything is going to come out of it, so I'm just going to let it simmer. We still talk occasionally, though.

Andi: Lady friend that I had been seeing for about two years, but for some reason, dropped me like a hot potato during a trip. It sucked hard. She never knew of my Hobby, and after our last big blow up, she has been rather persistent in contacting me, but our "vibe" never came back and wasn't interesting in contacting her again so I tried scare her off, only to find out it's something she wants to do. She hints that I shouldn't give up on her, but since Teaser isn't a sure thing, I'm keeping my options open. For now.

Latina: Nice girl, we got along quite well politically, but she had weird opinions on moon landings and such. After a couple of days of losing contact with each other, I figured I'd just pull the plug.

KM: Were "semi-dating" we liked each other, but the scheduling really isn't conducive for a typical relationship. The challenges at the beginning of our dating was unreal, but I REALLY liked her, since she is fresh out of a divorce, she doesn't seem to handle the dating scene. We got our issues resolved for the most part, we seem to enjoy sex with each other, but still quite a road to travel. We have talked since that episode, so we're still cool. It's done. She couldn't handle the fact that she didn't "desire" to see me, particularly with her busy schedule. So, for now we're "Friends", she doesn't want a casual sexual relationship, so for now on...I am no longer calling her. It's over, at least that's what I keep telling myself. Unfortunately, I still find myself near where she lives and works, so I have to fight the urge to tell her that I miss her. She tried contacting me again recently, but I think I totally screwed it up to the point where I probably will never hear from her again.

Lauren: We got along well and turns out we have a few things we have in common. We fit fairly well, except for our schedules, but in the end, another person she was dating was starting to turn a bit serious, so she decided to call it off.


Stella: Someone that I dated in the past. Always bailed her out of whatever mess she wound up in. Her ability to make crucial life decisions was incredibly deficient. Since she called again recently, she's been suffering with medical issues which were a direct result of her not following my advice. We lost contact with each other, but every couple of years she manages to find me. It's tormenting to hear her, I know she needs me, but I can't always be there to bail her out when she makes shitty decisions. Haven't heard from her since the last post I mentioned her in. I hope it stays that way, but I will always Love and miss her. She tried contacting me recently when her daughter came into town, but I never returned her texts.

Sharon: Initially she was the Married Anonymous Psycho (she still is psycho, but not anonymous...to me), who apparently likes to be roughed up and forced. She's Batshit crazy. Period. Dating isn't an option for this one and since has left town because of a divorce.

Storm Cloud: Is someone I have been "seeing" off and on for at last 15 years. We used to date, but came with some really wild luggage. We maintained our sexual relationship (a bit) during her Marriage. Currently I'm HER booty call. It's nice to know I have one talent she enjoys. I believe she FINALLY moved in with her boyfriend and that means we probably won't see each other again. Believe it or not, it's a bit of a relief.

KS: A perspective person for dating who happens to also enjoy my hobby. Didn't work out, apparently, she thought I was skeezy or something. whatever.


Lumens: Someone that was originally on the OTHER blog, but we might actually start dating, but I'm not entirely sure. She has a slim build and is attractive, but ordinarily not my type as far as personality goes. But I'm willing to give her a fair shot. Who knows, I could be surprised! She wasn't for me, but she will be more involved in my other blog as I ramp up more parties. Has pretty much dropped off the face of the earth after getting a new job and boyfriend.

GD: "Psychic chick" is what her moniker should have been. Totally sweet person, but she had too much in her life going on, plus she was also moving into another drama filled episode of her life. I wish her well, I really do.

S: Was dating material, but after the party, she went a little insane. Later did I find out that she was like super hard core left wing. We're talking Hanging out with Cindy Sheehan, nuts. Left me a 4 page hate letter with several bullet points because I didn't call her enough. She was intense AND crazy. Pity she was my kind of kinky.

Anonymous One: This is going to make me sound bad. But I REALLY don't remember her name. I liked her, but the distance was too great and eventually blew it off. She understood and only talked once or twice after this adventure.